A long and fruitless wait.
By now, my chest aches so badly, it is painful to breathe. My hands tremble cradling the phone.
This is immature of him not to respond. No, it’s cruel.
Me: It hurts that you can shut me out this easily
Jack Killborne: fuck morgan idk what else to say
Jack Killborne: u r dating other ppl
My mouth drops open. It wasn’t a date!
I type in super-speed, but another text pops up.
Jack Killborne: idc go be a preachers slut
His words stab.
Ugh. It’s the ugly side of Jack I dread.
Tears trickle down my face. I was taught a partner is supposed to dry tears, not cause them. This is why marriage is sacred and choosing right prevents this type of pain.
In fact, his coldness and ability to put up walls this quick is another sign I’m making worse and worse choices. I’ve lost my way so drastically, that I fear if I don’t get back into the light, I may lose myself forever.
With every ounce of faith I can summon for strength, I do the unthinkable.
Me: This isnt working jack.
Gosh, that feels so wrong. I don’t understand. I know this is the right thing to do. Maybe it takes time to be at peace. It wouldn’t be hard if it didn’t hurt.
No surprise, though. Jack is silent.
Me: Even if you hate it, Ill pray for you
Jack Killborne: Dont
One word. Another wall.
Me: I hope you find God. I really do.
It’s from my heart and meant to help. I’m sure it’s not what he wants to hear, but it’s who I am. I just forgot because I wanted him to like me, but my faith is partof me.
He doesn’t reply.
I rest my head on my pillow, my body numb. If I allow myself to feel, I’ll do something stupid. Then Jack will be a regret rather than what he is: Someone so special, I—
I turn my head into the pillow and sobs scrape out of my throat, violent and raw, the kind of crying that physically hurts.
Chapter 28
Jack
“Yes. We’re open till six,” I say into the phone. “No problem. Bye.”
I hang up the phone at the front desk.
Check the time. I got a few minutes. I open my news feed to see Morgan’s latest posts. The comments annoy me to no end:
