I went to Jeremy simply so that he could explain a few things to me. The more he explained, the more intrigued I became. Truly, I understand more than ever your desire to be a scientist, dear sister. But the more time we spent together, the more drawn to him I was. Not simply because of his charm—
Vanessa snorted. What charm? Vanessa had appreciated Jeremy for his intellectual pursuits, and he had been pleasant to look upon, but the man had no discernible charm.
—but also because of his mind and his passion for his work. The love between us developed quite rapidly and without either of us fully realizing what was occurring until it was too late. And it pains me so how you discovered us. What you must think of me, Vanessa. I do hope someday you will begin to understand and forgive me. Perhaps since you are married now, you have found the love and joy that I have found. Perhaps you now know what it is like to have your every waking thought consumed by the presence of another person. I hope you too have experienced the bliss of the true joining of souls that comes with finding the love of your life.
With all my love, Violet.
Vanessa dropped the letter onto the bed, then she stood and made her way to the opposite side of the small room. She rubbed at her arms, a vain attempt to warm herself. Even standing so near the hearth, she felt a coldness deep inside. So Jeremy and Violet had not simply been together that one night in a fit of physical passion. No, it sounded as if they were still together and that they believed they were utterly in love.
It was bothersome, though, how Violet had gone to Jeremy looking for an explanation of her father’s work. Vanessa had studied her father’s notes for years, and she was the one that was most like him, whether or not he’d accepted that while he was alive.
Why, then, had Violet not come to her for guidance? Was she such a foreigner to her own family that they would choose a stranger over a conversation with her? If Jeremy was going to mistake himself in love with any of them, why, then, would it be Violet, whom he had to teach in the ways of research when Vanessa had already been his intellectual match? How was it possible that Vanessa had so completely misjudged both her sister and her fiancé?
Part of Vanessa wanted to pity them, that they could continue to fool themselves. Of course she certainly knew now what it was like to get lost in the passion, to have someone touch you and make the rest of the world disappear from your vision. But that was lust, purely a physical reaction. Love, though, was fleeting, and soon enough Violet would realize that.
Even now Vanessa’s skin tingled from Graeme’s lovemaking. She wondered if in these moments she looked different to people. Could they take one glance and know she had shared passion with her husband? She knew it wasn’t wrong; intercourse was a part of any marriage.
It wasn’t so much the act itself, but her reaction to it. For so many years she’d believed herself above those baser needs, believed that if given the opportunity, she could pass on something so primal as lust. That hadn’t been the truth at all. Her first taste of it, and she’d devoured the entire plate. Several times.
It wasn’t the lust per se that frightened her, but what would come next. If she could allow herself to stumble, be so susceptible to a simple touch from her husband, what more could he evoke from her? She wasn’t a believer in romantic love, but she hadn’t thought herself capable of lust, either. Was she so different from her sister?
She quickly went about dressing herself for the evening’s festivities. As she yanked her simple gown into place, she glared at her reflection in the mirror. Yes, yes, she was quite different from Violet. Her younger sister might have fooled herself with fancies of love and romance, but Vanessa would not be so naïve. Now was not the time to reevaluate her theories. She still firmly believed that love was fleeting, and she wanted no part of it, but right now she had to finish getting ready for the wedding reception.
Vanessa sat at the dressing table putting the last hairpin into place. She wasn’t completely unaccustomed to doing her own hair, because she’d stopped using her chambermaid for everyday life years ago. She simply hadn’t seen the need. Her mother had still required Vanessa to have a proper toilette before attending any soirees or balls, but Vanessa had grown used to dressing herself.
She glanced at her reflection, noting how very different this wedding reception would be compared to the one she would have had with Jeremy. There she would have been wearing that ridiculous ruffled dress her mother had loved so dearly. Tonight, she’d donned a simple but pretty green velvet gown. It was far too formal for anything she would have thought to pack for her research expedition, but her trunk had been partially packed with her trousseau when she’d escaped. So the emerald confection, with its cap sleeves and seductive neckline, had come along.
She was thankful the gown had come with matching elbow-length gloves, considering the chilled winter air. As she rolled the satin gloves up her arms, she wondered what her family was doing tonight. Graeme had notified them of their marriage, but she hadn’t yet had the fortitude to send them a letter herself.
What would she say? She knew she had been impetuous and somewhat reckless fleeing the way she had, but she’d been ill-prepared to face Jeremy and Violet. Not to mention the flood of tears her mother, no doubt, cried. Once she and Graeme returned to London, they would face her family together.
They might not be a love match, but he was her husband and she knew that he would stand by her. Perhaps with him at her side, she’d be able to face her family and gracefully accept their apology. But tonight, she didn’t have to think about unfaithful fiancés or betraying sisters. Tonight, she was a bride.
* * *
Graeme led Vanessa out through the back garden, where the path to the barn was lit by several hanging lanterns. His mother and Old Mazie had decorated the barn itself with more candles than he’d ever seen in one place.
The barn had been cleared of any livestock. All that lingered was the earthy scent of dry hay and well-oiled leather tackle. The large doors were left open to allow guests to come and go freely and enjoy the outside air if the temperatures stayed this pleasant. While it was certainly not warm, the wind had died down considerably.
“Looks like a garden in springtime full of fireflies,” Vanessa said. “It’s lovely.”
Out here in the candlelight, her smile seemed impossibly bright. “You’re lovely,” he said before he’d thought better of it.
She looked at him, surprise lining her features. She didn’t wear her spectacles tonight, and he could see her beautiful eyes. Her copper-colored curls were swept up from her face and hung in a cascade down her back. Her simple green gown looked perfect on her, molding to every curve and accentuating her best features.
“Thank you,” she said. And if he didn’t know better, he would have sworn he’d seen her blush. What kind of woman blushed like a girl at so simple a compliment? One would think that she’d never had a serious suitor before. Graeme was starting to think that Jeremy was a complete idiot.
“You’re welcome.”
He took a moment to wrap her cloak around her shoulders. Perhaps it wasn’t fashionable, but Scottish nights this time of year were very cold. Still, tradition brought everyone outside, and the dancing and the ale kept them warm.
They walked silently for a moment. Not many guests had arrived yet, and they were able to find some privacy beneath a large oak tree. She turned to him, looked up and met his gaze, and said, “I’ve been considering the matter, and I’ve decided that we shouldn’t have relations anymore.”
“What?” he asked, unsure he’d heard her correctly.
“Yes, it seems to me that it is far too distracting for me.” She crossed her arms over her body. “It takes my focus off my research, the entire reason I came here to begin with, not to mention assisting you with the work you’re doing.” Her arms uncrossed, and she clasped her hands in front of her.
Graeme thought if given the choice, he’d certainly choose to make love to his wife over having her assistance with his search.
