“Does it still bother you that I’m keeping secrets?”
He frowned. “Of course it bothers me.”
“Then you should continue to keep your distance.”
He took a single step closer. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Sadie. I don’t think I can.”
“Are you going to continue asking questions?”
“Of course I am. I can’t just ignore that you are hiding from someone or something.”
He thought she was hiding from something? Well, she supposed she was. Hiding from discovery. But nothing was hunting her. She didn’t need to hide from her past, she had already escaped it. She should protect her future, though.
Sadie had always known she couldn’t indulge in a serious relationship because of her need to hide her power, but she realized that even with a time limit, things between her and Nicholas had gone too far. He couldn’t ignore her secrets, she couldn’t share them, and pretending they could have a physical relationship without that getting in the way was folly.
“It’s a bad idea. I won’t confide in you, Nicholas. You’ll get mad that I’m willing to trust you with my body, but not my secrets. I’ll feel bad that you assumed I’d change my mind, when I know I never will. We’ll both realize it would have been better to never even kiss.”
He snorted. “Nothing you could say or do would make me wish I had never kissed you.”
Her jaw dropped. “You regretted it the moment it was over!”
“I feared it was a mistake, but even if it were the biggest mistake of my life, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t choose to repeat it again and again.”
Sadie threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t understand you!”
He ran a hand through his red hair, blowing out a breath. “That’s fair. I don’t understand myself when I’m around you.”
“Such flattery.”
“You want flattery, Sadie? You are the most intriguing person I’ve ever met. Not because of your secrets, but because of who you are, how you approach the world. Your sense of humor and refusal to be cowed by rank. The way you could be hiding the biggest secret ever, and yet you are still the most genuine person.” He smiled ruefully. “And because you are gorgeous and I will cherish the image of you naked in that spring until the day I die.”
“You could at least pretend you hadn’t seen anything,” she muttered, too overcome by the rest of what he had said to respond to it.
“Is that really what you want? For me to pretend? I could pretend that I’m not curious about who you are, that I don’t care about keeping you safe, but it wouldn’t change the truth.”
Sadie shook her head. She didn’t know what she wanted anymore.
“It’s a bad idea,” she said as much to herself as to him.
“But is ignoring this—” he gestured between them “—any better?”
Unable to face the question, Sadie shook her head. “I need to get back to the manor and dry my hair before supper.”
Nicholas stepped to the side, but that still meant she had to walk right past him, the path narrow here. He waited until her skirts brushed over his feet and leaned close enough that the sleeve of his jacket slid over her arm. “Think it over, Sadie. You know what my answer is now.”
Sixteen
???
The dowager alteredthe seating arrangement of her guests at every supper, following no discernible pattern. Nicholas always sat at one end of the table, and his mother at the other, but the women in between shifted.
After winning the game that afternoon, Sadie sat on Nicholas’s right with Abigail across from her and Jane next to her. Lenora took the other center seat with Helen and Beatrice flanking Madeleine.
Conversation was subdued that night. Abigail kept trying to engage Nicholas, but he barely looked at her and only provided monosyllabic answers. Sadie was fairly certain Beatrice and Madeleine were discussing a book at the other end of the table, and everyone else focused on their food.
As Sadie enjoyed a bite of absolutely delicious roasted potatoes, Abigail tried yet again to elicit a response from Nicholas. “Don’t you think?”
Abigail’s expression was one of sultry innocence as she gazed at the baron. Sadie truly didn’t understand how she managed such a thing, but it was the only descriptor that fit. She’d have to tell Pippa about it. Her friend would want to master the expression herself.
