“I think you may be right.” Reyn cleared her throat. She didn’t know what to say.
The evening had gone sideways on her. Standing here, in Velario’s bedroom, was almost too much. She wanted to strip off her clothes once more and drag him back to the bed. She needed to pretend everything was fine. That she was the worldly woman who had proposed this experiment and understood that sex didn’t always mean something more.
It was time to remember that they were in a fake courtship to find a counterfeiter, nothing more. “Well. Thank you for helping me with this experiment. I should probably be going now. It’s getting late.”
“Of course. I’ll walk you back.”
Reyn wanted to protest. She needed time to reflect on the evening, and she could not do that with Velario by her side. But she knew any protest would betray how much her “experiment” had affected her. She shouldn’t be walking through the streets of Tryn alone at this hour, and Velario had supposedly taken her out to Dewra Gardens. If he didn’t escort her back home, people would wonder.
She didn’t know if she could maintain her mask of calm indifference for much longer, though.
Best to get home as quickly as possible, then. Reyn opened the door and stepped out of Velario’s bedroom.
Either Velario was as out of sorts as Reyn, or he recognized her need for silence. They did not talk the entire way back. Nor did they touch, for Velario didn’t blatantly offer his arm, though he also did not keep it tucked close to his body, and Reyn didn’t reach for him when he paused at the bottom of the steps leading from his home to the street.
Only after he rang the bell at his aunt and uncle’s house did Velario face Reyn directly. “Are you available to come to the bank again tomorrow afternoon?”
Heavens. If Reyn didn’t get a handle on whatever she was feeling as a result of sleeping with Velario, spending the afternoon pretending to be a couple would be so awkward. But it was her fault for introducing the awkwardness. And she had promised Selona she would help.
The door opened.
“My afternoon is free,” she said.
“Wonderful.” Velario bowed. “I’ll come around directly after luncheon.”
He left and Reyn slipped into the house and up to her room. She undressed herself—the last thing she needed was a chatty maid fluttering around right now—and got ready for bed.
Tucked under the covers, she finally let herself relive every moment of the evening. She had never known such pleasure. After Velario had brought her to release with his mouth, Reyn had felt so relaxed. She had thought that the rest of the evening hardly mattered—even if she used her lure during sex, what did she care? Clearly, that didn’t mean she had to go unsatisfied. It wouldn’t preclude her from taking a lover if she so desired.
Then Velario brought her to a second climax, and she realized her mistake. She wanted to have sex with Velario again. Yes, he had proven that she could take a lover and it wouldn’t have to be an awkward, disappointing repeat of her past experiences, but it also wouldn’t be what she had shared with Velario. She knew with a certainty that defied explanation that no one else would live up to him.
And so, she had freed herself from the fear that sex would never be pleasurable, only to lock herself into a future where it would never be as good as it had been that night.
