“You’re extra quiet today. Is everything all right?” Viper asks as we run side by side on the War Brothers MC property.
“I told Rose I’ll try and do my best to manage my anger. I just don’t know if I’ll be able to meet her expectations, because I can’t just stop being me.” I pause and briefly look at him. “Today she wants me to go with her and grab her things from her ex’s house, but what if her ex is there?” My shoulders tense at the thought. “Every ounce of me is dying to hurt him again, because he hurt her. Don’t get me wrong, her presence is enough to calm me, which no one has ever been able to do. My intention is not to upset her, but I just don’t know if I’m capable of doing nothing when it comes to her.”
Viper stops running and walks, so I stop too. We’re both breathing heavily.
He tilts his head. “Is that why you’re on a mission this morning?” He chuckles. “I’ve been struggling to keep up with you.”
I nod with a frown. I guess I’m trying to outrun my problems.
He gives me a look of sympathy. “Everything is different when you’ve found that one person you want to be with. You feel everything ten times worse.”
My head falls back and I groan.Just perfect.
“I’m happy to come with you two this morning and just say I wanted to help you guys out. I’ll try to diffuse the issue if her ex is there.”
I blow out a harsh breath. “That would be awesome, thanks.”
He chuckles. “No problem, but I’m not always going to be there.” He cringes. “Does she know about the fights?”
My throat tightens. “She does. She doesn’t want me to do it anymore.” I get it, with her past. I don’t blame her, but I’m torn.
His eyes widen. “Look, man, don’t think you always have to fight. We’ll all respect your decision to step down.”
My chest constricts. “I’m unsure if I want to step down. Fighting is all I’ve ever known. Honestly, I don’t know who I am without it. It’s my hobby, it’s how I help the club make money—and the extra money helps my mom and brother when they need it. But I can’t lose Rose either.”
We turn around and head home.
“Relationships are also about negotiations,” Viper says. “I wouldn’t give Sophie the divorce without her spending time with me first.” He grins stupidly. “And she fell for me. If fighting is a deal-breaker for Rose, you’re going to have to choose between fighting or her, but on the other hand, she might see how much you love it and let you do it. I can see her point of view—it would be hard to see someone you care for all bruised and cut up every time.” He flinches. “When Sophie got beaten up, it nearly killed me.”
I’m quiet for the rest of the walk home. Viper squeezes my shoulder as we step inside the clubhouse, and I veer off to go up the stairs to see Rose. When I step inside the room, she’s sitting on the bed, already changed into jeans and a blue shirt that shows her gorgeous tits.
She smiles at me with that genuine smile. She’s always happy to see me. This time I struggle to smile back. I need to be honest with her about tonight.
She immediately frowns. “What’s wrong?” she asks hesitantly.
I sit next to her. “The fights are tonight, and I’ll be in one.”
Her whole body freezes and her frown deepens. “Do you have to be?” she asks in a soft voice, with hope in her eyes.
It crushes me. “I do. I can’t just pull out. It will cost the club money, and I wouldn’t put them in that position.”
She looks away, her gaze distant. “Can it be your last fight?” she asks, barely above a whisper.
I stand up and pace the room. My heart is pounding. My mind is racing. My nerves coil. “I told you,” I say, my voice sharper then intended, “everyone relies on me. I can’t just stop.”
“The club values you more than just as a member who makes them money, and as I said to you before, if your mom knew how you were making the extra money, she’d rather you be safe.” Rose stands and walks over to me, but I’m wary. She puts her arms around my shoulders and pulls me in for a hug. “Can you just think about it?” she murmurs and looks deep into my eyes. “It’s coming from a good place. I want you to be safe, not getting hurt for a bit of money and...” Her voice falters. “I just don’t know how much of the violence I can handle.”
I swallow hard. “Okay” is all I can say. I understand where she’s coming from, and Viper explained it as well. Everything between us has happened so quickly, and I’m finding it difficult to change who I am and what I do. But there’s this other side of me that can see how much she cares and wants the best for me.
Rose steps back and stares at the ground. “So when will you be fighting, and are you fighting that Russian man we saw?”
A grimace pulls on my lips. “Tonight, elevenish, depending on how the fights go, and...” I frown. “Yeah, I’ll be fighting him.”
She bites her lip. “But he’s so big and scary. What if you get hurt badly?”
Her eyes get watery and her shoulders slump, and my stomach knots just looking at her.
I kiss her forehead. “I get bruised, but I’ve always been okay. I can handle myself.” I decide to change the subject. “When would you like to go grab your things?”
