I browse through his shirts. There’s a baggy long-sleeved shirt with the club’s logo on the back that looks comfy. I take off my pajama top and slip it on. It fits pretty well and is still baggy, which I like.
I hear a long, drawn-out groan and look over to him to see the tent has reappeared. I just took my shirt off. For the first time, I wasn’t self-conscious; I didn’t hide my body. I just did it... and he’s done that. Rage has given me my confidence back.
He’s pouting, and it makes me laugh. I walk over and grab his hand. “Come on, grumpy butt, time to get up.” I pull him with all my weight behind it, and he does not move.
He gives me a grin in return for trying. “I think I like being called God better.”
I cackle. “I bet you do, but come on. Let’s go watch a movie or something.” They have a big-screen TV, and just hanging out with him is exactly what I feel like doing. I also don’t want to be that person who stays in the bedroom all the time. His friends are important, so I think I need to make an effort with them.
He whines but gets up and throws a shirt and some shorts on.
We are going to struggle to not have sex. It’s going to be challenging, but it’s all part of the fun.
ELEVEN
CONFRONTING THE PAST
Rose
At dinnertimethe mouthwatering scent of lasagna and garlic bread fills my nostrils. I moan. That smells so good. Being on a diet sucks.
“What’s your bottom lip out for?” Rage asks.
I observe everything, but so does he. “I’m trying to be healthy, and all I can smell is lasagna and garlic bread.” It’s for the best, but damn that smells good.
“You can have some. I’d maybe bypass the bread and just stick to the lasagna. I’ve seen Ava make it—it’s full of vegetables and tastes as good as it smells. You haven’t had much to eat today, so it’s not like you’re overdoing it. It’s just about finding a balance. I found that the more I got rid of all the good foods, the more I craved them.
“If I’m having lasagna one night and I’m exercising the next day, I’m all good, but if I’m having a quiet day, then I’ll reduce my lunch portion. There’s no real perfect diet. It’s just finding something that works for you and that you can commit to and be consistent with.”
It seems very logical. Doing it by myself always seemed a challenge. Everyone makes out like their way of losing weight is best, and there’s so much conflicting information out there.
“Don’t get me wrong,” he continues, “you can count your calories, and if that works, then do that, but I found that after a while I just found a happy medium that worked for me. Now I don’t even think about it. It’s just a part of my life.”
“To not be so hard on myself and criticize every mouthful would be nice,” I admit, my voice soft.
He frowns. Guilt twists in my chest. It wasn’t my intention to make him feel bad, but I smile when he hugs me.
“If you’ve ever got questions, just ask. I can share my experience, and you can see if it makes you feel any better.” He leans in and whispers in my ear. “I can’t wait to see you dressed in your gym clothes.”
The way he says it makes it seem so scandalous that I blush. But I’m looking forward to getting into a routine and being consistent. It helps a great deal that I have a gorgeous man supporting me.
“Dinner’s ready,” Ava calls out, and I can already hear the quick footsteps of the men walking to the large wooden dining table. It’s become an oddly good time for me to sit back and listen to everyone. There’s always someone laughing and smiling while eating and talking. The way they stir each other up reminds me of a bunch of brothers at the table. I guess they are.
Rage nudges me to stand, his hunger matching mine, and we head to the table.
“Come sit over here,” Zara says, patting the seat next to her. I take the spot, and Rage settles on my other side.
Loud voices fill the room; everyone’s talking, but it’s comforting. When Ava brings out the lasagna, Axle and Twitch cheer like kids on Christmas morning. I can’t help but smile at their enthusiasm.
Zara leans in close, her voice soft but serious. “How’s it all going? I want to assure you there’s a bed available at Misty’s Safe Haven, so you never have to worry about a place to stay.”
I give her an appreciative smile. Her concern warms me. “It’s all good. Rage and I are getting along well. I feel like we’re on the same page. We’re not dating yet, just focusing on ourselves for now. But I’m happy.”
Her eyebrows lift. “So everything is going well by the sounds of it. Just checking that you still feel okay being here.”
I give her a small smile. “Yes, everything is great. Thank you for checking up on me.”
She exhales a deep breath. “I’m a worrier, so I wanted to check on you. Trauma has an ugly way of reappearing when we don’t want it to.”
