After washing my hands, I look at myself in the mirror. I’m glowing. I’m... happy. After everything I’ve gone through, I’m okay and I’m smiling. I owe that to Rage. Just this morning he’s made me feel good about myself.
I see Rage’s effort, and I appreciate it. He’s still young. I should take a step back because I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m thirty-four and only getting older, so eventually I’ll want a serious relationship. He joked about wanting to be in one with me, but I don’t know him well enough to even gauge if he’s capable of that. He cares, but am I his latest fling?
Still, I’ve never felt this way before. Every moment with him feels like a gift, a rare slice of happiness. So, for now, I’m going to let myself enjoy it. I deserve that much. At the very least, I’ll look back on this time and remember how a young man named Rage made me feel wanted and happy when I needed it most. The man who saved me when I was going through the hardest time of my life—and what a man he is.
I return to the bedroom, where he’s sitting on the bed, waiting. Those baby blues glance over at me. “We can just chill in here for a while together if you want.”
That sounds amazing. My body feels sore, but I haven’t done anything. It’s probably stress. I step over to the bed and lie down. The mattress is soft and comfy, and the bed smells like him. He lies down beside me, and just like the night we spent together, I snuggle into his side and he puts an arm around me. He turns the TV on, but I don’t hear it. I focus on Rage, on his warmth and the way he makes me feel. I relax and a yawn escapes me. I close my eyes, letting the comfort of him lull me to sleep.
Knock,knock, knock.
My eyes flutter open. It’s dark, the only light coming from the soft glow of the TV. It takes me a moment to get my bearings, but the familiar scent of Rage surrounds me, grounding me. His steady breathing fills the room, and I see him fast asleep beside me.
Knock, knock, knock.
He doesn’t stir, so I carefully slip out of bed, trying not to wake him. I open the door to find Ava standing there. Her expression falters as her eyes flick from me to Rage.
“I’msosorry.” She cringes. “I hope I didn’t wake you. I just wanted to let you know there’s plates of food for you guys in the fridge.”
We’ve been asleep for a long time. “Thanks, Ava. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
Her face softens. “I’d love to spend some time with you. Maybe tomorrow?”
I pause, surprised she wants to hang out. “Sure, I have to go shopping tomorrow for clothes, but after that we can catch up.”
“I have plenty that would be your size.” Oh, she’s sweet.
“Thanks, but it’s okay. I have to get some new clothes anyway.”
“All right. Good night,” she says, her smile warm and genuine.
“Good night,” I reply. I watch her retreat down the hallway before I close the door.
Ava is a bigger girl, like me, but I’m larger than her. Now that I think about it, I’m the biggest girl here. Toxic insecurities about my weight filter through. It’s hard because even though people might not judge, I struggle to eat in front of others because I worry what they might think. Now I’m thrown into an environment with a guy with an eight-pack and women who are a quarter of my size and all beautiful, and I’m...just me. I always got the “you’d be prettier if you lost weight” and “you have a pretty face.” Those comments may not sound cruel, but I felt each and every dig.
I’ve always been a big girl. Is my diet perfect? No. Do I try to watch what I eat? Yes. Regardless, I still stay around the same weight. I went to the gym once, and all it took was a man to look at me with utter disgust while I was on the treadmill and I never returned. People don’t realize how much it hurts. I’m still a human being, and I’m trying. That’s why I’ve grown so fond of Rage so quickly. I’ve never had a man look at me the way he does and tell me I’m attractive. He’s already slept with me; he’s not gaining anything by lying.
I don’t know what I expected at this clubhouse, but I’ve never felt so welcomed. People were happy to see me. I’ve never really had that before, and it’s a nice feeling. Everyone was so kind,and they’re quite funny to listen to. Just when I thought I knew what my future held, I really had no idea, but I think I’m exactly where I need to be right now—in a place with a person who has the potential to hurt my heart but who could also help me heal. He’s worth the risk.
I peer back at Rage, asleep on the bed. Those biceps and his tanned skin, blue eyes, carved jaw...he’s a god!
EIGHT
RAGE HAS DEMONS TOO
Rose
I wakeup and glance around the room. The bed feels too big, too empty. There’s no warm body next to me. I sigh, the loneliness creeping in. But then I notice a yellow Post-it note stuck to the pillow.
I grab it to read the scrawled handwriting.
Morning, my sexy cougar.
I’ve gone for my morning run.
I’ll be back soon.
Breakfast is downstairs if you’re hungry.
