“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know. I want to.”
I sighed because she had that look on her face that told me she was gonna keep pushing. “I’ll get you a key.”
She grinned. “Cool. So uh, do you have a back porch? Can we sit out there and watch the water?” She looked so hopeful.
“Yeah. You hungry? I can make us some sandwiches.”
“Starving.”
The following week at Kobey and Asia’s house had been particularly hard. They were setting up for the Heritage Ride, so brothers had been at the house all week. The only time I felt like I got any peace was when I was in my truck or when I was at work.
I loved being a doula. My original goal was to become a midwife. I had the credentials. I was a registered nurse, and I had years of experience from my time in labor and delivery at Inner City Hospital. I just couldn’t complete the coursework, because I couldn’t shut my brain down long enough to concentrate on school. Not to mention that my memory had been shit since the shooting. I felt like maybe if I could get a good night’s sleep, I could start to reclaim my brainpower, myconcentration, and my memory. But sleep continued to elude me. And when I did sleep, the nightmares were too much to handle.
Once again, on the morning of the ride, I was up early. The brothers planned to take off from the clubhouse. Asia, a couple of other wives and girlfriends, and I arrived there before the crack of dawn. Everybody else was yawning and chugging coffee. I was fine, as we used the clubhouse kitchen to prepare a big breakfast for the guys, along with several gallons of coffee. We passed out premade plates and filled thermoses with the steaming hot liquid.
I watched the couples love up on each other as the men prepared to start their ride. I smiled at the love in the air and at the fact that some people would never imagine that these big, burly, and bearded men would be so romantic. The way they buried their faces in their women’s necks and kissed their lips. The way they held their women’s chins in their hands or squeezed their butts. I loved it.
Instead of remaining a creepy voyeur, I went over to Quentin. “You good?” I asked him. I knew it was his first group ride since he’d lost Teagan. “You can tell me the truth.”
He looked into my eyes. “I know I can, E. I got . . . feelings. But it’s better if I don’t dwell on them.”
I nodded because he was more than likely right. “You want me to pray with you?”
He seemed surprised that I asked. “Yeah,” he said finally. “Pray with me.”
We clasped hands. “Heavenly Father. Thank You for such a beautiful morning and for such beautiful weather, vibes, and spirits. Your word says that Your mercies are new each day, and we need that promise today, Lord. You know all the thoughts, ideas, and emotions that are running through Quentin’s head this morning. You know the concerns of his heart. I ask thatYou give him peace today, Lord. A peace that surpasses all understanding. I pray that You allow him to enjoy riding with the brothers today, because You know the joy that it’s always given him. And as he thinks about Teagan today, I pray that it’s with fondness, love, and gratitude for the time he had with her, and not with sorrow and heaviness. In Your holy name, we pray. Amen.”
I opened my eyes and looked up at Quentin. Tears rested inside his eyelids, but they didn’t fall. That made tears spring to my eyes. I pulled him into a hug, which was not accurate, because he was too big for me to really make him do anything. He let me pull him into a hug and embraced me tightly. He smelled so good and felt good too.
I watched him walk away and take his place in the middle of the circle of motorcycles, as the brothers waited for him to perform the blessing of the bikes. The revving of the engines stopped, and the space outside the clubhouse grew quiet and still.
“Heads are bowed, mouths are closed, and hearts are open,” he began. “Spirit of the living God, we come to You this morning asking for Your grace and mercy. We come thanking You for all that You are and all that You do. Thank you for being a keeper—keeping us from dangers both seen and unseen. We ask that You continue to do so as we make this journey. May Your hand of protection stay on us, while Your mercy travels with us, and Your guidance goes before us. Bless this ride. Bless these bikes. Bless these brothers. In Your mighty and matchless name, we pray. Amen.”
Asia and I stood side by side as we watched the men ride off just as the sun became fully present in the sky. “Well, you’ll finally get that peace and quiet you’ve been wanting,” she told me. “With the brothers gone, it’ll be all kinds of quiet at the house.”
I giggled. “You’re right. Too bad I won’t be there to enjoy it.”
She twisted her face. “Where are you gonna be?”
“I’m going to Quentin’s.”
“Quentin’s? Who is Quentin?”
I sucked my teeth. “Stop playing with me. We just had this conversation. You know Quentin is Bishop’s first name.”
“I know. I just like messing with you. And I like that you call him Quentin. It’s like y’all have this little private relationship that only the two of you know about.” She eyed me suspiciously. “Don’t end up pregnant.”
“What?”
“I don’t know.” She gestured with her hand in a way that I couldn’t decipher. “It feels like there’s something going on there. You calling him by the government name that only you know?—”
I jumped in. “I am not the only one who knows his government name, Asia.”
“Whatever. And him being all overprotective about you. Rescuing you from our loud ass house and setting you up in his lake cottage. Tell the truth. Are you and that man gonna be sleeping in the same bed?”
“What?” I repeated, this time louder and with my jaw practically on the ground. “Are you even serious right now? Absolutely not. I’m sleeping in the guest room. In the guest bed.” I huffed out a sigh. “Quentin and me are not on it like that. He’s Kobey’s friend. I’m . . . the homey’s little sister. Besides, that man is still grieving the wife he just buried.”
