Her eyes went soft. “We do. As the president and the president’s old lady, we have a responsibility to provide the opportunity for the brothers to get together.”
“I understand that. Truly, I do. But all the people, the noise, the loud talking, the roar of the bikes . . . all of that sends my anxiety through the roof.” I sighed. “Being here, I’m able to heal the part of me that needs family and people who love me around. But I’m not able to heal the part of me who needs to avoid large crowds, noisy spaces, and the unexpected burst of motorcycles revving. I have to move out.”
“Oh no, East! Please don’t say that!”
I gave her the sad face. “I know. I don’t want to, but I have to. I can’t stay here. I never want to make you or my brother feel uncomfortable in your own house, so I keep my feelings to myself. But since I’ve been living here, I’ve been more on edge than ever. I’m not sleeping at all most nights, but definitely not on Fridays. The parties go on until the sun comes up. Then, he has brothers over here all throughout the week. At least in the city, my house was my one place of quiet and calm. Here, I don’t have any place of quiet or calm. My heart and my mind are always racing, Asia.”
“Aww. I hate this.” She pouted. “I wish I could say that we could stop having the brothers over, but that’s not realistic. So I understand that you have to figure something else out. When do you plan on telling Kobey that you’re thinking of moving out?”
“I’m not thinking about it, stink. It’s a done deal.”
“A done deal? You already found a place? Are you gonna move closer to the clinic?”
“The birthing center,” I reminded her with a snigger. “Nah, I’m staying in Sweet Jackson.”
“Sweet Jackson where?”
“I’ll tell you all about it after I talk to my brother.”
I stopped through the clubhouse on Saturday night. If someone had asked me why, I wasn’t sure what I would tell them. But I knew it was because I felt led to by the Holy Spirit. I wasn’t ashamed of my faith, but I didn’t go around knocking people over the head with it.
Most of the brothers in the club were at least somewhat religious. They didn’t all claim Christ as their savior, and that was cool, but I did.
I redefined my entire relationship with God after I lost my wife. I had to. If it wasn’t for holding onto God and the knowledge that only He could get me through my mourning, I would probably be somewhere slumped right now. But no matter their denomination or religious affiliation, I had love formy Braveheart Brothers. I accepted them, did my best to guide them, and never judged them.
Smitty, one of the founders of the club, stopped me as soon as I walked into the clubhouse. “What’s good, B?” We exchanged the club’s handshake. “I wondered if you were stopping through tonight.”
“Oh yeah? What’s up? You need to talk?”
“I need you to pray. Send up some timber for my mother. She went back into the hospital today. They just can’t seem to get her medication right, and it’s messin’ with her heart.”
His eyes told me everything I needed to know. My guy was scared. “Let’s go over here.”
We walked to a quiet corner of the main room. The room mostly went unused. The brothers preferred to gather in the back of the house. That room was set up more like a lounge—there was a bar, full size arcade games, two pool tables, foosball, and a dartboard.
The main room was set up more like a formal living room. We walked over to the fireplace. “Mom’s a Christian, right?”
He gave a soft chuckle. “She would beat my ass if I had you pray to anybody but Jesus about her.”
I smiled, stood in front of him, and placed one hand on his shoulder. “Father of the living God.” I began to pray.
After I prayed with Smitty, I walked through the house looking for KD. I found him in the back with the other brothers, talking shit and halfway watching a baseball game. I spoke to everybody but walked right up to KD. We exchanged dap. “Say, can I get at you for a minute?” I asked him.
His eyes were cautious. “Yeah.”
We left the back room and walked to the front of the house where I had just prayed for Smitty.
“What’s up?” he asked me.
“I wanna get at you about Eastley.”
That, of course, got his attention. “What about her?”
“She talked to me last night. I’m not sure if you know this, but she’s really struggling, dawg.”
He huffed out a sigh. “Yeah, I know. It’s in her eyes, man. They look tired as hell. I don’t know what to do. I want her close by so I can, you know . . . protect her. But I feel like she might be getting worse. She’s so damn jumpy. Asia and I can barely pop the top on a can of beer without East looking like she’s about to come out of her skin.”
“It’s the house, dawg.”
