“I thought being back would be better for me, but . . . I’m dealing with the exact same feelings, just in a different location.”
“What do you mean?”
“The city was so loud and I don’t know, overwhelming. Now I’m home, and Kobey and Asia’s house is so loud and overwhelming.”
I nodded sympathetically. After KD told me that her hospital got shot up and she was having trouble coping, I did some research. “You still having nightmares?”
“There are the nightmares. There’s the fact that my memory is trash. I can’t remember anything, except the things I wish I couldn’t remember. I still jump when I hear loud sounds. I hate being around crowds.”
I made an overly obvious gesture at the house and the backyard. “So, living here, how’re you handling it?” The weight of her sigh made something in my chest feel some kind of way. It didn’t help that when she looked up at me, her eyes were sad.
“I gotta get outta here,” she told me. “I really appreciate Kobey and Asia offering me their spare room, but I can’t stay here. Their life is not set up in a way that I can . . . heal.”
My head bobbed in understanding. “Are they still having club kickbacks every weekend?”
She nodded.
She was right. There was no way she could heal in that environment. The loud noise, the uncontrolled guest list, the implied danger of having multiple hot heads in the midst, nah. She needed someplace quiet, calm, and predictable. Someplace where she could let her guard down. “You looking for a place?”
Her eyes were sad again. “I really don’t want to live alone. I lived alone in the city, and my nervous system never caught a break. Every creak of the floor, every time one of my neighbors opened their door, my heartbeat raced. But I might not have a choice.”
“You working?”
Her smile was weak. “Not as a nurse. I . . . can’t.”
I nodded my understanding again.
“I definitely can’t even think about stepping foot in a hospital yet. I mean, I hope to get back there at some point, but I’m not there yet. And even the clinic setting is too much. I was at a small clinic before I came back home. It was too similar.” She sighed. “Right now, I’m at a birthing center in Londynville. They needed doulas. I’m a doula.”
“That’s what’s up.”
“I’m hopeful.”
I didn’t know why I said what I said next. All I knew was that once it was in the atmosphere, I couldn’t take it back. “I have an extra room at the house, E. It’s yours if you want it.”
Her eyes ballooned with the surprise she felt. I was surprised too. I couldn’t show it, though. Would KD be pissed that I just poached his sister from his house to mine? I quickly continued. “I live out in the sticks, though. I’m barely in the county. KD and Asia live in the thick of things. Close to the strip mall. Close to the grocery store. Close to the highway. You said your job is in Londynville.”
She waved me off. “I don’t care about all of that. You don’t live in the woods, do you? I wouldn’t be scared to be there by myself if you were at work or at the clubhouse, would I?”
“I don’t spend as much time at the clubhouse as I used to.” This time around, the club wasn’t my first priority. I was only here when it was absolutely mandatory. “I’m definitely not in the woods.” I laughed lightly. “I’m off Old Crawford Road, out by the Danbury Nature Center that the school used to take us to on field trips.”
Her eyes widened again, making her look not only youthful but innocent. “You’re by the lake?”
I fought back a grin. “House backs right up to it.”
“And I can move in?” Her arms were folded across her chest.
I shrugged my shoulders. “If you want to.”
“Who’s gonna tell my brother?”
I laughed aloud. “I’ll talk to him.”
She grinned at me.
Saturday morning, I was awake early, which was not surprising. I didn’t really sleep, not that I wasn’t tired. I was freaking exhausted. But a lot of times when I fell asleep, the only dreams I had were nightmares. I had relived the day of the shooting over so many times in my sleep that I felt like I was in that movieGroundhog Day.
It wasn’t only that, though. Life at my brother and Asia’s house didn’t really promote sleep. I mean, they hosted a kickback every Friday night that went well into the wee hours of Saturday morning. Who could sleep with a house full of people, loud chatter, loud music, and even louder motorcycles?
