I huffed out a sigh. “I like him. Okay? You happy? I’ve had a little crush on him since I was a kid. Seeing him as a grown man is trying to reignite those feelings.”
“Well, don’t fight the feeling, sis.”
“Yes, fight the feeling. I told you before that man is a widower who is still trying to make peace with losing his wife.”
“And I told you that Teagan’s been gone for three years. It’s okay for him to get out there again.”
“Please—” The first explosion caused my heart to skip in my chest. The second one caused me to drop to my knees.
“East. East!” Asia was in front of me with concern etched on her face. “It’s fireworks, baby. Somebody’s shooting off fireworks.”
I could hear her. I understood what she was telling me, but all my brain could process was the rapid explosions that happened one after another. My tongue felt like it was glued to the roof of my mouth, and my lips felt fused shut, so I couldn’t speak. My heart hammered in my chest, and the sound reverberated in my mind. I felt like I could hear the blood swooshing through my veins. Everything inside me felt like it was moving too fast. Like if things didn’t slow down, my heart would give out. Then it started happening. My breathing became shallow because I couldn’t pull enough oxygen into lungs that were closed tighter than a vault. My head started to spin, and I felt myself going down, from my knees to the ground.
“She’s awake! She’s awake!”
“Calm down, Asia. You’re about to send her back into another episode.”
I recognized the voices of Asia and my brother. I recognized the sensation of being both warm and grounded in strong arms. It was quiet, well, except for their voices. There were no more explosions, no more chatter. Just quiet. I focused my eyes. Kobey was right in front of me. His eyes traveled over my face and then my body.
If Kobey was in front of me, I briefly wondered who was holding me. Then I smelled the scent that was uniquely Quentin. I would’ve recognized it anywhere, even though it was mixed with the smell of “outside” and a little bit of sweat.
“You good, baby sis?” Kobey asked me.
I wanted to respond that I didn’t know if I was good. I was glad that I was out of the park—that I was no longer a “sitting duck” out in the open where anything could happen to me. I was glad to be in the safety of my and Quentin’s house and in the safety of Quentin’s arms. But I still wasn’t able to speak or move.
“It takes a while to come back to yourself after an episode like that,” Quentin told him. “She’s probably good, but her nervous system is still on high alert.”
“What can we do?” Asia asked.
My mind wandered as the three of them talked. A little while later, I felt a heaviness on my body. It was unexpected, but at the same time, it felt good.
“It’s a weighted blanket,” Quentin told me. “I had Asia get it out of the hall closet for you.”
I wanted to thank them. I wanted to tell them that I was good because the three of them looked so concerned.
“I got you some water,” Asia said. She was a naturally loud person, but she kept her volume low and steady while speaking to me. “You wanna take a sip?” A straw was placed at my lips, and I was able to part them just enough for her to slide the straw between them. I pulled in, and water filled my mouth. It felt so cold and refreshing.
“That was good, East,” Kobey coached. He gently patted my knee. “I’m sorry, Sis. I’m sorry you’re going through this shit.” He took a deep breath. “And I’m sorry that me and Asia were insensitive to your . . . condition. It’s like, I look at you, and you look fine. You’re all in one piece. You look like yourself. But I can’t see the things going on in your mind and in your body. I convinced myself that you were good when, all along, you’ve still been suffering in silence. Me and Asia, having the brothers over, partying every weekend. That shit wasn’t good for your mental. I’m sorry.”
“Me too. We didn’t understand how fragile?—”
“She’s not fragile.” Quentin jumped in. “She’s just triggered by things that remind her of that night.”
“Still . . .” Asia dipped a washcloth into a bowl of ice water, wrung it out, and wiped my face. The coolness felt good. I felt my muscles start to relax. “We’re so sorry. Moving in here with Bishop was the right move. It’s quiet and peaceful here. I think you’re in the right place.”
“Me too.” Kobey agreed. “This is the kinda environment you should’ve been in all along. Quiet, calm, and peaceful.”
The four of us stayed in Quentin’s living room together, me on his lap on the sofa, and Asia and Kobey on the floor in front of the sofa. Eventually, the sensation of being extremely cold traveled through my entire body. I began to physically shake and shiver. Tears poured from eyes.
“You’re good,” Quentin mumbled to me. “You’re good. Say, Asia. Go grab the big blanket off the bed. She’s cold.”
I stayed wrapped up in the comforter for about an hour, before I was ready to shower, eat, and call it a night. I knew Kobey and Asia were glad to see me start coming back to myself. They were reluctant to leave, but Quentin and I assured them I would be fine and that we would call them if I wasn’t. They both gave me the biggest hugs before they left.
“I smell like outside. I need to shower,” I told Quentin. “I thought I wanted to eat, but I really just want to go to bed. I’ll eat in the morning.”
He nodded. “You sure?”
I nodded. “Yeah.” I hesitated. “Can you wait outside the bathroom for me while I shower?”
