When I toldmy mom about Kaynaan’s invitation to the Thanksgiving Day game, I thought she would be sad. And she was. But she was also accepting. She told me that if my relationship with Kaynaan ended up going where she thought it would go, I would spend a lot of Thanksgivings on the sidelines as opposed to at the dinner table. She was low-key annoyed that she agreed to host. If she hadn’t, she would’ve been right beside me at the game.
“Your mom’s right,” he told me when I finished telling him my mother’s response to me missing dinner at her table. “I will expect you and my daughter at the games on Thanksgiving. But on the real, I’m wrapping this football thing up in the nextcouple of years. You and my daughter will probably only have to do this two more times.”
I glanced over at him. We were seated in the back seat of his truck as Axel drove us to the airfield. “I don’t know how I feel about all this,my daughter, my daughterstuff. On the one hand, I’m appreciative of the fact that you want me and you’re willing to not only accept me, but to claim my child. On the other hand, I don’t want to get too comfortable. Because the truth of the matter is that this baby isn’t related to you biologically. You can jet at any time.” I shook my head. “Not that biological fathers don’t jet. I’m just saying.”
He picked up my hands in his. “I don’t want you to think that I don’t get how scary this is for you. Just because I’m sure, I understand that you have your doubts?—”
Tears sprang to my eyes unbidden. Pregnancy was wreaking real havoc on my emotions and on my ability to handle them. “I know this is so cliché, but it really isn’t about you or anything you’re doing. It’s about me. It’s about my relationship with Channing.” I cried. “If anybody was supposed to make it, we were. We loved each other for years. And now I don’t even want to be in the same room as him. I feel like I can’t let myself free fall with you, because I know that sometimes people drop you.”
“Damn.” His eyes were wide. “You just said a mouthful.”
“I’m messed up, Kaynaan.”
“No more than anybody else. You have a past. Everybody does.”
“But mine is messing up my future.” I huffed out a frustrated sigh. “You’re a patient guy, but nobody has unlimited patience. I’m so scared that you’re gonna get sick of me.”
He chuckled lightly. “Nah, Brown Eyes. We’re locked in. You’re mine. I’m not afraid to do the work it’s gonna take to love you properly.”
I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his arm. This man had my entire heart, but the thought of sharing that fact with him made my heart race. I couldn’t have another promising relationship end the way my relationship with Channing ended. “I don’t know how to turn off my brain’s fight or flight response. I might have to talk to somebody.”
He kissed my forehead. “I appreciate that you’re willing to consider doing that.”
“I wanna be yours, Kaynaan.”
“You’re already mine.”
We landed at the airfield, climbed into the truck Kaynaan arranged to pick us up, then headed straight to his grandparents’ home.
“They don’t say it,” he told me in the truck, “but I feel like having their Thanksgiving situation on Wednesday rather than Thursday is something my family really appreciates. They act like they have to inconvenience themselves for me. I’m supposed to be all humble and thankful that they’re willing to support me when the rest of the country is at home enjoying family fellowship. But the truth of the matter is that I buy out an entire section and give them free tickets to one of the most popular games of the season. Only three games are televised on Thanksgiving, and they get to attend one of them.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Anyway, when we get there, don’t laugh when you see me being all fake humble and repeatedly thanking them for inconveniencing themselves.”
“Wow,” I said.
“Yeah. If I don’t act appreciative, some of my family members’ll spend the next year telling my parents how I’mchanging and how my head’s getting too big. Personally, I wouldn’t give a damn what those people have to say. But I don’t like them talking shit to my mom. She has a high-pressure career. She doesn’t need to worry about them in her face.”
That made me grin. “Such a mama’s boy,” I teased.
He grinned, too. “I do love that woman.”
“So, humble. Okay. Should I bow at the waist or just curtsy?”
He guffawed loudly.
“Is there ring kissing involved?” I continued.
“You’re wild as hell. It’s not like that. I’m saying, you’re a guest. I’ll kiss the rings.”
I giggled.
“Nah, on the real. I’ll do the humility. You just be you. I’ve never brought a woman to Thanksgiving, so there are probably gonna be some stares and shit.”
“What?”
“What?” he repeated. “I’ve never brought a woman to Thanksgiving.”
“Are the women in your family petty? Are they bullies? I should’ve brought my mom . . . or at least LoLo.”
“What do you mean, are they bullies?”
