When Meadow swings her door open, her mouth opens for a moment before she snaps it closed. My eyes sweep over her, and my cock thickens behind the fly of my jeans. She looks edible.
Her blonde hair is piled high on the top of her head in a way that looks effortless and she probably pulls it up there without thinking about it or knowing how fucking sexy it is. She’s wearing leggings that hug the curve of her hips. The t-shirt she’s wearing is oversized and hangs off one shoulder.
The way her bare skin is calling to me has my hands clenching into fists at my side. I desperately want to reach for her.
“Rook?” Her eyebrows pull together in confusion. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
She glances out of her door, first looking in one direction and then the other before her blue eyes come up and find mine again. The concern shining there as she looks at me undoes me completely.
Without thinking about it, I take a step over her threshold. She takes a step back, but there’s no fear on her face.
“I’m okay,” I rasp and take another step, one she mirrors again which allows me even more room in her home which I’m going to, without a doubt, take up. “I just needed to see you.”
Her eyes widen and her lips part. Her pink lips look delicious. I want to taste them. I want to taste her.
She squeaks, “You needed to see me?”
I hate the disbelief in her voice, and my mouth goes dry as I nod. “I’ve been thinking about something since last night, as I was trying to fall asleep. I was tossing and turning most of the time while sleep evaded me.”
Meadow swallows hard and her breathing turns shallow. Hunger flashes in her eyes, but then it’s gone just as quickly.
“You couldn’t sleep?” Something softens on her face.
“No,” I tell her honestly, “I couldn’t stop thinking about getting married to you.”
“It’s a big thing,” she whispers the words like they’re a confession she’s not sure she wants to make.
“It is,” my voice drops deeper and rumbles out of my chest. I can’t take it anymore, my hands come up and I wrap my arms around her, one hand pressing into the small of her back and the other sliding up her spine until the tips of my fingers are at the nape of her neck. “It’s a huge thing. I think that’s what had me up all last night and why I spent the morning thinking about my grandparents.”
She sucks in a sharp breath, her voice wavering slightly as she asks, “Why?”
“Because they had something real,” I admit, my mouth going dry. “Even though my father didn’t come around often, and brought his new wife even less, it was obvious that they don’t love each other. I think they hate each other, actually.” I shake my head slightly, the memory of it like a knife finding a soft place between my ribs. “It was so much more obvious because for the longest time the only example I had was my grandparents who were deeply in love. They weren’t overly affectionate or anything, but the love between them was obvious.”
“That’s beautiful,” her voice takes on a wistful quality. “My parents are still together, but I’m not sure they even like each other. They’re cordial, polite, but I don’t think that’s what love is.” She casually shrugs one shoulder. “Maybe it’s what love is to them.”
“But not to you,” I don’t phrase it like a question. I say the words like they’re true because they are and I don’t need her to tell me.
It’s written all over her face.
“Not to me,” her voice is small, as if she doesn’t want to admit the truth in them.
“I always figured I would get married once and have the kind of relationship they had.” I pull in a deep slow breath, hoping I don’t scare her awaywith the truth I needed her to know before this goes any further. “I never told anyone, not even them, how much I admired their relationship. Sometimes I would see the work behind it, the way they would dance around each other when times were strained. Then there were times when they leaned into each other, leaned on each other. It was something I admired, something I envied. I think I’ve been looking for the same kind of partnership my entire life.”
“That makes it even more special, when it’s not always easy and you have to work for it from time to time. It keeps you honest.” My fingers tighten slightly at the nape of her neck with her words. “But I don’t understand why you’re here telling me all of this,” I can hear the confusion in her voice as her blue eyes move back and forth across my face to study me.
“I only want to get married once,” the truth slips from my lips unbidden.
She freezes in my hold, and I can practically feel the flutter of her heart. “I don’t understand, are you saying you don’t want to marry me? How will you get the farm?”
“I’m still marrying you,” my voice is insistent.
“I think you’ve broken me,” she says with her mouth twisting to the side slightly. “Or something is wrong because you keep saying words, but I have no idea what you’re trying to say.”
“I’m not making a lot of sense,” I grunt and pull her against my chest just a little bit closer. The way her body molds against mine is sweet in a way I’m not sure I deserve. “I’ve always wanted something real, for my marriage to be real. I understand you just blurted out you’d marry me because you’re a good person, a kind woman with a heart of gold. I’m saying that us getting married needs to be more than that for me.”
A bead of sweat slowly makes it way down the back of my neck until my t-shirt absorbs it. I have no idea what she’s going to say, but I know I have to give this a shot.
If she doesn’t want me, I’ll keep my hands off her.
