Aiden sighs. “I don’t mean to pressure you, but I don’t want you to die. I’m worried that if you go back there that you aren’t going to take care of yourself. Then I’m going to get a call saying you died. I don’t want that phone call.”
I look down at my hands. I don’t want that to happen either, but I don’t know how I’m going to stay here.
“I just…”
CHAPTER 13
MILA
“You just what?” Aiden asks.
I shake my head, tears of frustration pooling in my eyes.
“You can talk it out,” Tobias encourages me. “Just say everything you want to say without having to worry about anything. We’ll follow along as you tell us.”
“I don’t know,” I mutter.
“You aren’t going to hurt our feelings with what you say. Just talk and get everything out that you want to get out. It’ll help you,” Tobias says.
My mind goes back and forth on whether I should say everything I’m thinking or not. What if I say something that I’ll regret later and they get mad at me?
“You’ve got this,” Aiden encourages me. “If you want, pretend like you are talking to Billie.”
I… I can do that. I take a deep breath and look down at my hands.
“I’m so unsure about everything,” I start off. “I feel comfortable around you, Tobias, but things are still unsure between us. We’ve known each other for two weeks, and while itfeels like a lifetime, I know it’s also really short. My mom would be telling me to get away from you with all the thoughts running through my head. But my older brother might tell me to be with you because you are the first person who has made me feel this safe and comfortable. You see right through me and know when I’m lying. You just seem to know everything, and it frustrates me but also makes me feel seen.”
I shake my head. I am absolutely crazy for just saying everything that is on my mind right now.
“I’m worried that if I do stay here, that later down the road you are going to regret it. That you are going to see I’m so much more work than you wanted and tell me to leave. What then? If I move out here with all my things, break my lease to my apartment, I wouldn’t have anywhere else to go. If I’m not working either, then I won’t be able to do anything anyway because I won’t have any money. That thought alone is just scary to me because I don’t know how I’m going to survive after living with you and having you take care of me every single day,” I rush out. “And I know Aiden will try to take me in until I can get back on my feet, but what if he finds the love of his life? I don’t want to stay with them and be the third wheel. I don’t want to move in, then be reminded of everything that I had with you and what I can’t have any longer.”
Tears are running down my face freely at this point.
“I know that if I stay here, I’m going to love it so much, but also wonder if it’s ever going to go away. If this is all too good to be true and that… it’s all a dream. I’m worried that if you kick me out that I’m going to lose myself and not have the will to live any longer. I’m scared and worried. I don’t know what I’m going to do and I don’t know what I want. My mind is a mess right now, and I have no idea what I’m even thinking or saying at this point. There are so many things to consider and think about,” I ramble as I run my hands through my hair.
“Things are just getting to be too much, and I don’t want to make any more decisions. But how can I not make decisions when I’m an adult and the thought of letting go to allow someone else to make them is scary? I’ve made my own decisions for so long that I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to just stop and fully let go without worrying.”
I bury my face in my hands and sob while Tobias holds me against him.
“Oh, Little One,” he whispers. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“You don’t have to sell the apartment if you don’t want to. I can make payments on it instead so that it can give you the security you want until you are ready to let it go,” Tobias explains. “And I want you to know that I will never get tired of you. I will never grow bored or think that you are too much work because I love taking care of you and making sure that you have everything you want.”
He runs his hands up and down my arms.
“I didn’t know you were so worried,” Aiden whispers. “I didn’t know you were going through so much and thinking so far in advance.”
“How can I not?” I whisper. “I am responsible for me and only me. There are so many decisions to be made about everything that it’s very overwhelming.”
“Then allow me to take some of them away from you. Allow me to take one or two right now so that you get used to the feeling. When you are ready to let go of some more, then I can take on more responsibility,” Tobias says. “We can do it slowly that way. Right now I’ll make you a promise, and if I need to say it every day, then I will. I won’t ever get rid of you. I won’t ever get tired of you. I won’t ever think you are too much work. I won’t ever tell you to leave.”
“Bu—”
“No buts. If I have to write it on a piece of paper and tape it in every room, I will. I want you to believe it, and I’m willing to wait as long as you need.”
“If I need help reminding you that he won’t leave you as well then I can,” Aiden says. “You are going to be loved here.”
“Can I think about it?” I ask.
