“I think you have survivor’s guilt, and it’s a very real thing.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” A single tear slides down my face. “I don’t want to.”
Tobias cups my face with his warm hands and gently wipes away the tears. “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it now, but I want to talk about it at some point. It’s not healthy to keep it all bottled in. You aren’t doing yourself any favors.”
I nod before leaning into his right hand, closing my eyes.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers. “You aren’t alone anymore.”
I shouldn’t allow those words to affect me so much, but my heart squeezes. I know I’ve never been alone really since Aiden calls me so often, but hearing Tobias say those words, it just does something to me.
“I’m here for you through everything. We are going to get through this together. I’ll be your rock when you need someoneto lean on. I’ll protect you from everything so you don’t get harmed again,” he whispers. “You aren’t alone.”
I take a shaky breath in before opening my eyes.
“There you are.” He smiles. “Do you need a hug?”
I nod before I can chicken out. When was the last time I got a hug? When Aiden came and visited me five years ago.
Tobias unbuckles my seat and helps me crawl over to his lap. It’s awkward and a tight fit as the steering wheel digs into my back, but when his arms go around me, I melt into his embrace.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers. “We’re going to sit here as long as you need. You just focus on getting your hug in.”
I completely relax into Tobias as we sit like this for who knows how long.
“I’m going to give you two options,” he says slowly. “If you don’t want to decide, you just let me know.”
“Okay,” I whisper, snuggling into his chest.
My legs are starting to ache from the position I’m in, but I try my best to ignore them. I’m not ready to let go of him yet.
“Do you want to continue on our journey to the lodge or do you want to stop tonight?” he asks. “By the time we get there, it’s going to be late and everyone will probably be asleep. Besides Aiden.”
My fist curls around Tobias’ soft shirt. “I don’t know.”
I know we shouldn’t keep putting off getting there or else Aiden is going to think something is up, but at the same time I don’t know if I want to see him tonight. Not after all these conversations I’ve had with Tobias.
“Are you going to tell Aiden about what we talked about?” I pull away to look him in the eye.
“Are you going to tell him?” he shoots right back.
I shake my head. “He doesn’t need to know. It’s been years. It is only going to cause him heartache.”
Tobias cups my face. “But he needs to know. You’ve been lying to him and I know it must not be making you feel good, right?”
I nod.
“And the only way to ease that is to tell the truth, then get a punishment, correct?” he asks, and I nod once again. “Then, at some point while you are here, you need to tell him.”
“But I don’t want to make him feel guilty,” I mumble.
“Then you should have thought about that at the time or very soon after,” he replies gently. “I know you don’t want to, but he has a right to know. I don’t want to keep this from him. So I’m giving you a chance to tell him at some point while you are here. Understand?”
I nod.
“Words, Little one.”
“Yes.” Daddy is on the tip of my tongue, but I hold it in.
