More tears stream down my face.
“But if I knew this is what it would be like afterward, I would go back and change my decision. I don’t like you not trusting me. I don’t like that you are so scared of me and want nothing to do with me. I want to be the person you think of at all times. I want to be your safe place, and right now I’m not,” he whispers.
I hold onto his shirt with an iron fist as he pours his heart out. What have I done to deserve this?
“I always want to be the safe place you can come to when you need comfort or when you want to talk about something. I want to be your safe place when you are having a bad day or when you just want cuddles. I want to be that for you, and I messed up.” He runs his hands through my hair.
I sob and nuzzle my face into his chest. Yet, he is still that for me. Being so close to him right now is calming me down, but at the same time, his words are breaking my heart.
He wasn’t lying when I heard him talking to Yamal earlier.
“I’m sorry, Little pet.” He kisses the top of my head. “One day, I am going to regain your trust and be your safe place.”
You don’t need to.
That’s what I want to tell him. I want to tell him that he alreadyismy safe place and that he doesn’t have to do anything else. But I can’t find it in myself to say those words, even though I desperately want to. Which makes me even more frustrated, and tears continue to run down my face. Why can’t I say that to him?
“You’re okay.” He runs his hands up and down my back. “I’m here for you, and nothing bad is going to happen.”
I don’t fight the tears wanting to come out and continue to sob into his chest. Daddy just holds me close to his body, allowing me to let all these emotions out like he said he would.
He is my safe place.
I’ve never had security before, and I don’t want to let go of it. I want to be around him all the time so I can be at ease and know everything will be okay.
“Just let it all out,” Daddy encourages me. “I bet you’ve been holding on to this for a long time. That’s okay. Daddy is here to hold you until you are done or even longer. Just let it all out.”
And I do. I cry into his arms, letting him comfort me. I don’t know how much time passed by the time I’m done crying, but I’m exhausted.
“Let’s get you another bottle so you can eat and go to bed,” Daddy says.
He moves me, and I whine when he lets me go. I quickly hold my arms up, not wanting to lose him just yet. Daddy chuckles and picks me up, holding me close as he walks out of his room and into the kitchen.
“It’s only going to take me a couple of minutes,” Daddy whispers. “You just relax, and I’ll feed you whenever it’s done.”
“Don’t wanna leave you,” I mumble, closing my eyes and relaxing into his arms. “Safe place.”
“What was that?” Daddy rubs my back.
I snuggle into his chest and let out a sigh of contentment.
“Don’t wanna leave you,” I mumble again into his shirt. “Never.”
“You never have to,” Daddy whispers back. “I’m here for you. You are stuck with me for the rest of your life.”
A grin splits my face as Daddy starts walking again. He sits down and shifts me, but I don’t open my eyes, completely trusting that Daddy is going to take care of me.
“Look at you,” he soothes. “So precious for Daddy.”
I open my mouth. Daddy chuckles before he pops the nipple inside of my mouth. I could get used to this every single day of my life. I want to, but I’m nervous. There is still so much unknown.
“No thinking,” Daddy gently says. “You can think tomorrow when you are fully awake. Right now, I just want you to drink, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
I open my eyes to find Daddy looking at me with a small smile on his face.
“I’m going to take care of you. You just close your eyes and relax,” Daddy smiles even wider now.
I close my eyes once again and continue to suckle, trusting Daddy because of every word he just said.
