“It is,” Saint said. “Those men have been with us for a minute.”
Tempo looked at her brothers, saying, “It is fucked up, but don’t feel guilty. They knew what came with that job. They knew they weren’t guarding the pope. Nobody plans to die doing this kind of work, but they knew what they signed up for. They were bred to give their lives for who they were protecting if it ever came to that, same as y’all.”
Icon let out a slow breath and nodded once. “That don’t make it hurt less.”
“No,” Tempo agreed. “It doesn’t. But it does mean they died doing the work they loved.”
We sat in silence feeling the loss. We all knew that death came with this game, but we did everything we could to prevent it. Three of our men were dead now. Men who had been around long enough to feel like friends. This shit was even more personal now, and all of us was feeling the urge to tear this city up in the name of the men who had given their lives for ours.
Whoever the fuck Matías thought he came here to punish, he was about to find out the Cartiers didn’t break easy.
Ava’s stomach growled loud enough that I heard it.
“When is the last time you ate?” I asked.
“This morning.”
I frowned. “This morning?”
“I was too busy at the event to eat. Then all of this happened, and I couldn’t even think about food.”
Aria told her, “Chef Eddie made brown stew chicken and rice and peas last night. There are leftovers in the fridge.”
Ava’s eyes bulged in that cartoonish way they did when she got excited about food, and the sight of it made me laugh in spite of the grief and anger for a second.
Ava started trying to get up from the couch. “Oh, I’m about to tear that up.”
I put my hand out and stopped her. “Sit down. I got it.” Then I stood and left the den.
Once in the kitchen, I opened the fridge. Chef Eddie had leftovers packed up like he was meal prepping for a football team. I grabbed one of the containers and shut the fridge with my hip. Then I slid the bowl into the microwave and leaned back against the counter while it turned.
That was when Icon came in. He walked over to a cabinet and grabbed a glass. Then he went to the fridge and took out a Sprite. He filled his cup with some ice from the dispenser in the doorway of the fridge. He cracked open the can and filled the cup.
He leaned against the island and finally said, “You know ‘coming around’ isn’t some weak shit, right?”
“It ain’t weak. It’s just not what she deserves.”
“I didn’t want a relationship either. I didn’t want a woman all in my routine, emotional demands, or some soft-ass domestic situation. That wasn’t how I saw my life going. Then I met Livia.”
I folded my arms over my chest and listened.
“I didn’t want a relationship when I met Livia, and neither did she. Coming around to being with Ava isn’t some flaw in you. It doesn’t make it less real because you didn’t come into it begging for forever. Sometimes we don’t choose love. Sometimes love chooses us.”
I just looked at him, while feeling every emotion that I had been trying to outrun.
“Love and lust look exactly the same until sacrifice is required,” he said. “Lust is easy. Lust takes. Lust wants what feels good and disappears when it gets inconvenient. Love is when sacrifice shows up and you don’t even think twice about the cost. And you know you’re there. You know you’re ready to sacrifice anything and everything for Ava.”
I wanted to push back and say it wasn’t that deep, that I was just trying to do the right thing by my son, that I was just being a stand-up nigga, that I was just protective because she was carrying my child. But I knew better now. It was Ava too. It had always been Ava. And that made all this feel bigger than I knew how to handle.
The microwave beeped. But I just stood there, taking in everything he’d said.
Then I finally said, “That still don’t mean I’m built for all the shit she wants.”
“You keep talking about what Ava wants like she asked you for a wedding ring and four more babies tomorrow.” As he began to walk out, he added, “Just make sure that your fear is worth seeing that woman with another man.”
Then he headed out of the kitchen, leaving me staring at the marble countertop, trying to figure out why suddenly the thought of losing any part of Ava made me feel like I’d never survive it.
A few hours later, I was sitting in the dark of a condo that didn’t belong to me, waiting on another man to come home.
