“No, we don’t.” She roughly wiped her tears away. “I feel bad enough already. I don’t need you in here making me feel worse.”
I looked at her for a second and hated how bad I wanted her even now. She felt even more like she was mine. Something about knowing Ava was carrying my child connected her to me forever in a way that felt twistedly satisfying, like some part of me liked that there was now something permanent between us that would be there until the day we die.
That same thought mortified me, though. It put me in exactly the kind of position I never wanted to be in; responsible, expected to take care of somebody, expected to show up for a life I had a hand in creating when nobody had ever really shown up for me like that. That’s why no matter how much I felt like she was mine, I knew I didn’t want her to be.
I rubbed my hand over my jaw, saying, “You think I don’t feel fucked up about how that went?”
Her eyes angrily darted towards me. “You feel fucked up about how that went? What about feeling fucked up for how you talked to me the other night? You made me feel like I was carrying a weapon, not your child.” I didn’t reply fast enough, so she stood up. “You said everything you needed to say. I heard you loud and clear, so we have nothing else to talk about.”
“Ava—”
“No!” she shouted, shaking her head vigorously. “No. You don’t get to come in here now acting like this is someconversation you want to have. You don’t want this. You made that very clear.”
I held her stare. “I don’t.”
Pain flashed over her face, but she covered it with anger fast. “Then move around. I don’t want you to feel obligated. I don’t want your pity. I don’t want you showing up for a baby you resent just because my family pressured you into it.”
“Move around?” I repeated.
“Yes.”
I stepped closer before I could stop myself. “That’s not possible.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not about to leave town, leave my people, leave my money, leave my whole fucking life behind because you wanted to sneak and have a baby.”
Offense made her eyes narrow. “That’s what you think I did?”
My eyes bucked like it should have been obvious to her. “You hid it for months.”
“Because I knew you’d act like this!”
“And what the fuck did you want me to do?” I shot back. “Smile? Thank you? Pretend you didn’t back me into a corner?”
Tears filled her eyes again, but her chin stayed high. “I didn’t back you into anything. I chose not to get rid of my child.”
I looked at her belly before I could stop myself. She caught it and folded her arms over herself like she was protecting it from me.
“I hate you for making me feel ashamed of this,” she whispered.
That was the first thing she had said that really got under my skin in a different way. Standing there looking at her swollen eyes and her body carrying something I put there, I felt angrier than I ever had and more turned on than made any sense. Thatcombination had me so wound up it felt like I no longer had control of the wall I built around my heart.
We stared at each other too long and too hard.
The space between us got way too heavy. I was mad enough to hurt her with my words, but I still wanted her under all of the anger. That was what threw me off. One part of me wanted to hate her for putting me in this position, and the other wanted to pull her against me and forget every reason I had to stay angry. Looking at her, I found myself wishing I was built more like my guys, like a man who wanted a wife, a family, and children all over the place. Then this wouldn’t have felt so suffocating. Maybe then standing in front of her pregnant with my child wouldn’t have felt like a trap closing in.
But despite feeling that trap closing in on me, I was inching towards her. The longing I felt for her was whooping my anger’s ass.
For a second, it felt like we might kiss or kill each other.
Then Ava shoved me away. “Just leave me alone, Reek!” she yelled, voice breaking. “Pleaseleave me alone!”
The desperation in that plea made me take a step back and look at her, at the tears, at the anger, and the hurt I had put there.
And I stepped back, turned and walked out. “Fuck it.”
I didn’t want to be having this fucking conversation anyway.
