Ava poked her lip out as if that had touched her.
“I got a life insurance policy too. A big one.”
That made her brows pull together. “Reek.”
“What?”
She looked at me for a second before she answered. “You’re always so scared of one of us leaving him.”
That was true. I couldn’t even front. Once Cairo was born, I started thinking about all the shit that could happen in a way I never had before. This life we lived didn’t leave much room for pretending tragedy was some far-off thing that only happened to other people. I had already seen too much, buried too many, and survived too much to play dumb with that.
So, I nodded. “Yeah. I do.”
Ava sat back in her chair and looked down at her glass. “I get it.”
“I know I can’t erase how bad I handled shit in the beginning,” I told her, grabbing her hand. “I know I can’t apologize enough. But everything I do from here forward is going to prove I mean it.”
She turned back toward me then.
“You and that baby are home to me now.” Her eyes softened, as I continued to pour my heart out, because watching Sincere say his vows had a nigga in his feelings. “I’m building for you, for us, for Cairo. The way I move about you now is real. I don’t want to do life without you now that I know how life is with you.”
Her eyes glassed over, and she looked away for a second like she needed a breath. Then she looked back at me and said, “We don’t have to get married.”
I chuckled nervously. “Huh? That’s your response?”
She giggled and shrugged. “I thought we were sharing our feelings and having a moment.” We both laughed as she said, “Ijust want you to know that we don’t have to do that right away. You don’t have to feel pressured. It’s already a lot for you to be in this relationship, and you’ve adjusted so much for me and Cairo. I want you to work through whatever you need to get through so that when you do it, you feel sure and comfortable.”
I squeezed her hand in appreciation for truly seeing me.
“I don’t need a ring to know I’m yours,” she added. “And I want to feel independent a little longer too. I just got to a place where I can breathe as my own person and as your woman. I want to enjoy that.”
I laughed under my breath and shook my head. “Only you would hear me basically telling you I’m building forever around you and answer with let me keep my independence a little longer.”
She grinned. “And you love that about me.”
“I do.” I loved that she still wanted space to breathe, to feel like herself. I loved that she trusted me enough to tell me that plainly without thinking I would take it as rejection.
I let go of her hand and touched her thigh under the table. “I’m good with that.”
“With what?”
“With giving us time. With building this the right way.” I rubbed my thumb once over the fabric of her dress. “I’m not in a rush to force the next step. I just needed you to know I see one.”
Her expression softened. “Thank you, baby.”
Around us, the room was erupting in celebration. I looked back at my woman and enjoyed the certainty I felt when I looked in her eyes.
For a long time, I thought love was the kind of thing you survived. I thought it was the kind of thing that could weaken you, distract you, or leave you abandoned. Then Ava and Cairo got deeper under my skin than anybody ever had. All the littlequiet parts of life I used to think would suffocate me started feeling like the only things that gave me breath.
Now, I was talking about the future with my future like none of it scared me the way it used to. It still did a little, but not enough to run. That was the difference.
Ava rested her hand over mine and said, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For growing.”
I laughed softly. “That sound like some shit a teacher put on a report card.”
