New yoga classes started today. You’d think after teaching two of them this morning I’d have a little more inner peace flowing through my chakras but nope.
I’m livid.
Hurt.
Scared.
The only thing that keeps me from completely losing my mind is that Nick texted and said he knows where Conner is and was going to talk with him.
The astronomical amount of jealousy and relief that collided inside me when I read Nick’s text is something I’m still trying to unpack. I’m so glad Conner is safe, but how dare that man keep me, of all people, in the dark and go off grid, but let the guys know where he is.
And Nick wouldn’t tell me where to find him because bro code.
Ihatethat.
Although we’ve all grown up together—my cousin Carly included—and the way we’ve seen each other at our best and worst, in the end I’m still not one of the guys. Not like I keep insisting I am.
After a hot shower, I put on the kettle and try topick a tea that will hopefully fix my life. It’ll probably require something way stronger than chamomile. As I stir honey into my cup, the distinct sound of Conner’s truck fills my ears. My stomach twists and relief washes over me as I peek out my front window.
He parks in front of my house. The first thing to hit me is relief. The second thing? Sadness. The strongest thing?
Rage.
He hops out of the truck and stares at the ground as he marches across my lawn. The door’s unlocked so he just walks right in.
“Taylor, I—”
The first plant on my windowsill goes flying at his head. “Youasshole!”
I chuck my favorite selenite at him next. He ducks out of the way and shoots a scowl at me. “Stop.”
“Fuck you.” I throw a sofa pillow at him next. Then a book. Anything I can get my hands on until I can’t see because I’m crying and shaking and filled with too many feelings that I think I’m going to shatter.
Conner slowly closes the gap between us and without hesitation I grab his shirt and yank him into me and cling to him. Then I cry and cry and cry because somehow a floodgate has burst inside me, and I don’t know how to put that barrier back together.
“Shh.” He rubs my back and smells like woods and dirt and campfire. “Come on, Taylor. Please don’t cry. I can’t take your tears.”
Trust me, if I could, I would but I can’t.
“Please don’t leave,” I say into his chest.
He lets out a sigh and holds me tighter. But hedoesn’t say the words I want to hear. There’s no “I’m not going anywhere” or “don’t be silly” or “it’s not in me to leave.” There’s just silence between us and I cling to him harder because of it.
“Come on now.” He pulls back and his face is bright red. “Stop crying.” Conner wipes my cheeks with his rough hands and swallows hard enough for it to look like it hurts.
“You can’t just up and ghost like that, Con.”
He’s quiet.
“We were worried sick.”
He brings me over to the couch and sits me down. “I just needed space and time to think about things, Taylor. There was no need to worry. I’m a grown man who can take care of himself.”
He’s right. And he doesn’t just take care of himself. He takes care of me and my parents and his friends and anyone else who needs help too. He always puts himself last.
“Did you… are you… okay now?”
He sounds exhausted when he answers, “Not really.”
