His fingers tightened reflexively on my shoulder. “By that point, I knew too much, and they couldn’t trust that I’d keep the knowledge to myself. Most agents can retire without fear because the agency is sure of their loyalty, but after what they’d done to me, they knew they’d broken any loyalty I had to them.”
“But they obviously didn’t…get rid of you,” I whispered, tears prickling my eyes at the mere thought. If that had happened, I wouldn’t have met him, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it—even when I’d just thought of him as the obnoxious guy at work who flirted too much.
“No, they didn’t.” His voice was strained. “Because I made it clear that I had information that would implicate a few high-ranking officials and could destroy their careers or even get them imprisoned. If anything happened to me, those records would have been sent to the media. So, they let me go, but they didn’t want to. The only thing that keeps them from coming after me is mutually assured destruction.”
My heart ached at the thought that Zeke still might not be safe, even all these years later. He’d done nothing wrong, and yet he paid a price for someone else’s mistake. I could understand now why he held his cards so close to the vest, and used his charisma as a defense mechanism. If I were him, I’m not sure I’d ever trust anyone again.
“It was smart of you to have a contingency plan in place,” I told him.
“It would have been smarter for me to report Ernesto’s behavior and figure out what he was up to sooner,” he said regretfully. “I was lucky I had a fallback plan. I’d done it on the advice of another agent, but I’d thought I was beingparanoid. I never believed I’d actually have to use it. I was so fucking naive.”
“I’m sorry.” I wished I could make it better for him. I bit my lip when it quivered, so he wouldn’t notice, and cuddled closer. I couldn’t take away the pain of his past, but I could make sure he didn’t regret sharing this with me. “I guess we both have trust issues, although it’s fair to say yours are more well-deserved than mine.”
He made a sound of disagreement. “It isn’t a competition.”
“I know.”
“But…” he started hesitantly. “I would like to try to work through those trust issues together, if you’re up for that.”
ZEKE
I heldmy breath while I waited for her reply. I was asking for a lot. My issues ran deep, and I wasn’t an easy person to be close to, but I desperately wanted her to agree. If she did, I’d tell her anything she wanted to know about my past. I’d be an open book for her, and I knew she’d be a vault of secrecy in return. But what if I was too much? Too damaged, or broken. Fiona deserved the best, and quite frankly, that wasn’t me. But I’d damn well burn the world down for her if she asked me to.
She didn’t keep me waiting for long. Her lips curled into a small smile. “I’d like that.”
Relief hummed in my veins. She raised herself up and kissed me. This time, it wasn’t hungry or demanding, but soft and sweet. It felt like a promise.
I gathered her close and sank into the kiss, wishing itcould go on forever. Right now, with her lithe body pressed against me, I didn’t feel so alone. I could imagine a reality in which it wasn’t me against the world butusagainst the world. In the past, I’d had teams of skilled operatives at my back, with millions of dollars of resources behind us, but nothing had ever made me feel as supported as she did.
I could fall in love with this woman. If I wasn’t already.
She drew back, but I chased her lips. There was nothing sexual about it, I just wanted to hold onto the connection between us for as long as I could. She indulged me, and we kissed slowly until the neediness within me eased enough for me to stop without worrying that she might disappear at any moment.
We lay together for a while until the computer pinged and we could see that Bergen was returning to the same residential address he’d previously visited—presumably, his apartment.
“Thank you for sharing with me,” Fiona said after we’d watched the dot for a few minutes. “It means a lot, and I know it can’t have been easy.”
“It was easier than I expected,” I admitted. Revisiting that part of my life was never fun, but telling her hadn’t been as difficult as I’d thought it would be. I’d known, in my heart, that she wouldn’t think less of me for it.
“You must have done some interesting work for them,” she said. “Met some interesting people.”
“Yes,” I replied, wondering where she was going with this.
I turned to face her. Her eyes were wide with interest.
“Did you ever meet any female spies?”
I chuckled. “We didn’t call ourselves spies. We were agents or operatives.”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Did you ever meet any female agents or operatives, then?”
“Plenty.” I grinned at her exasperated expression. “Some worked with me, others worked against me.”
“How awesome were they?” She lowered her voice. “I bet they were sexy.”
My grin widened. I couldn’t tell if she was just fishing for information or if she was trying to work out if I’d ever been involved with a fellow agent, but it was an effective distraction from the grim mood that had fallen, and I was here for it.
“Female operatives come in all shapes and sizes, just like the male ones. Sure, some of them played up their sexuality, but others had impressive intellects, and many looked like everyday people. That’s half the job, you know. To blend in with everyone else.”
