Reid glanced at her. “Want me to turn up the heater?”
“Please.” But she doubted that would chase out her chill. If anything could thaw the fear and help it melt away, it would be Reid. He might’ve been quiet at her house, but he still took her side in the investigation, stood by her when the police wouldn’t and got a locksmith out to change her locks. He even helped her change her security code when she wasn’t thinking straight.
She owed him. Not only for his support but the forgiveness he’d asked for earlier. They’d both been young and naive when they’d first met. Both of them were at fault that things ended so badly. She hadn’t even tried to talk to him. Let him explain. And she shouldn’t have let her feelings get the best of her. But they’d been in love. Oh, so in love. At least she’d been, and she believed he had been too.
It still hurt to look at him. But she did. Again. Subtly so he didn’t catch her studying him, remembering when she’d seen the Rainiers cap, and he’d held her against his solid chest. She’d been soothed by the sure sound of his heart, his powerful arms cocooning her. She’d felt as if she wasn’t alone for the first time in a long time. Since Orrin abandoned them.
She wanted to let go. Give in. Let Reid take over and hold her again. No. Not a good idea. Not now. Not ever. She could forgive him, but she couldn’t let him back into her heart. Not only him. Not any man. They simply couldn’t be trusted not to bail when troubles came up.
And she needed to set some ground rules to make sure Reid didn’t try to hold her hand—or her—when the going got tough. Question was, how did she broach the subject without drawing attention to her inner conflict?
She could start by thanking him for what he’d done so far and then play it by ear. “I haven’t thanked you for taking me to get Boo-Boo. Without your help today, I don’t know what I’d have done.”
“You make it sound like I’m going to take off when we get to the hospital.” He slowed at a stoplight and flashed a pained look her way. “I know how much I hurt you. Big time, but even as young and foolish as I was then, if Fowler was breathing down your neck like this, I would never have left.”
“Wait, no.” She swiveled to face him. “You’re misunderstanding. I really am thanking you for your help.”
“But?” He raised his eyebrow.
“What?”
“There’s a ‘but’ coming. I can hear it in your voice.” He stared straight into her eyes.
“Fine. I’m grateful for and appreciate your continued help and support, but I don’t want you to be so physical about it the next time I freak out.”
“Explain.”
“Don’t hold my hand. Or me, for that matter. That might’ve been necessary when you knew me before, but I’ve grown up, and I don’t need a man to hold me anymore and promise everything will be okay.” She held her breath and waited for his reaction.
He searched her eyes deeply.
Fine.He didn’t like what she’d said. “Now you’re mad. That’s why I didn’t want to say anything.”
“I’m not mad.”
But he was hurt. She heard it in his voice. Just as well. It would help to keep the wall erected between them. The light changed, and he faced the road to ease the SUV forward.
His phone rang from the holder on his dashboard, and she let out a silent breath of relief at the perfect timing.
He punched his speaker and answered. “Hi, Jess.”
“Uncle Russ wants to know when you’re coming back. He says he has a lot to do tonight, and he really needs to get going.”
Reid smiled but didn’t say a word.
“Are you almost here, Dad? I mean, I don’t care ’cause I’m having fun, but Uncle Russ is kinda getting crabby.”
Reid chuckled.
Megan couldn’t help grinning over the change in him. She couldn’t help visualizing a warm memory of them laughing together and letting it melt a sliver of the ice around her heart.
“What’s so funny?” Jessie asked.
“Nothing. We’re on our way and will be there soon.”
He ended the call, and Megan swiveled toward him. “Sounds like your brother is getting antsy.”
Reid turned and smiled so softly that she wanted to toss away her new resolve and let go. To embrace the way her heart beat faster for him and see if they still had something. She clamped down on her lips and waited for him to continue.
