Russ cast Ryan a sympathetic look before heading back to the trailer.
She swiped a hand over her tears. “This is all my fault. If I didn’t get the two of them together, Chuck wouldn’t be fighting for his life.”
“This isn’t your fault at all.” Ryan ignored her warning look and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “You know as well as I do Eddie didn’t attack Chuck. If Pope wanted to find Chuck, he’d have found him no matter where he was.”
“But I took the pictures of Pope, and I gave the camera back to Chuck.” Her voice fell off into a silence that hung eerily in the heavy night air.
Her sobbing increased, and Ryan held her tightly against his chest. Her sadness pulled at his heart. He had to find a way to help her through this. He would hold her until she got the initial shock out of her system. Then they could talk, and he’d do his best to help her see she wasn’t to blame here.
* * *
Mia had been watching everything including when the medics loaded Chuck into the ambulance. The medics didn’t hold out hope for him, but they shocked his heart back into rhythm so that was a good sign. The only one, they’d said. Ryan had mothered her, urging her to leave the scene and get some rest, but she remained in place. She couldn’t leave. She had to stay there in case word about Eddie or Chuck’s condition came in.
She wished she could say she handled the tension radiating around them well. She didn’t. She’d snapped, shooing Ryan away. His eyes had creased with the pain of her snub, and she instantly wanted to take it back, but she let him go anyway. In her mood, she was poison to herself and everyone around her. She didn’t want to infect him with it too.
She might’ve hurt him, but she’d kept an eye on him. He currently chatted with his crew, offering them the comfort she’d refused. He’d chosen his profession well. The staff members’ gazes held respect and appreciation for his compassion. He would make a fine life companion.
So what?
The earlier call with her father proved she could never let go of her past. And if her past continued to haunt her, she would never be able to move on.
Ryan looked her way and caught her watching him. He excused himself from the group.
“Have you thought of anything I can do for you?” His voice was gentle, caring. Inviting her to let him help.
She couldn’t give him the chance to slip into her world. Too much heartache for them both, and she cared too much for him to inflict even more pain. “This is my problem. I caused it. I need to fix it.”
She cringed at how harsh her statement sounded. Much harsher than needed. But she couldn’t give him even the tiniest of openings to be sucked into her world.
He rested his hands on his waist. “Just like that, huh? I thought we’d reconnected. Now, a little trouble comes and you shove me out of your life.”
“I’m sorry, but I’ve pretty much been on my own for the last ten years, and I like it that way.” She sounded so convincing she almost believed it herself. Almost.
“Right, like I buy that.” He rested his arm on a fence rail. “If you would talk to me about how you feel, it could only get better.”
Ooh, feelings.
Her imitation of Eddie’s sarcasm in their counseling session made the tears prick her eyes again. She turned and walked to the end of the fence where she could cry unseen. Out of view. On her own. If Ryan saw her tears, he would only push harder.
She looked at the stars in the vast night sky, her tears sliding freely down her cheeks. She was just like Eddie. Ryan could no more help her than she could help Eddie. Unless. Unless they chose to let someone into their closed-off world.
Ryan’s soft footfalls coming closer sent her into panic mode. She had to either give in to him completely—or send him packing.
She spun and did what she did best. “I need to be alone. I’ve been feeling vulnerable since I got to town, but I’m better now.”
He stared at her long and hard.
She couldn’t bear to see the pain she was causing and looked away.
“It’s a funny thing, Mia,” Ryan said. “When I see someone crying, I don’t think the person is okay.”
She swiped her sleeve across her face. “Well, I am. Please, just go.”
She glanced up to see him turn and take a few steps. He paused and looked back at her. “This time, I’m gone for good. Unless you ask me to come back.”
Their eyes locked. Held. His compassion drew her like a magnet. She resisted the force. Stood her ground.
“I won’t ask.” Her gut aching, she returned her gaze to the sky as if something up there could help her.
