He resisted gaping at her quick change in topic. “Now?”
She nodded. “I can’t leave until the nurse discharges me. We might as well make good use of the time and get it all out in the open.”
This was what he wanted, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready to hear how she could have bailed on him. “If we hadn’t broken up that night, what do you think would’ve happened between us?”
Her eyes widened.
He’d caught her by surprise. “This isn’t a test or anything to see how you felt. Just a question.”
“Well, you were starting college. My grades weren’t good enough to get into a four-year school, so I would’ve gone to a community college or gotten a job so we could live close to each other.”
He’d thought along the same lines. “And when I graduated, we’d get married and live happily ever after here in Shadow Lake, right?”
“Something like that. But I ruined that dream for both of us. I couldn’t stomach my father’s control. It was getting worse by the day, and I wanted out of here more than anything except being with you.” She looked up as if gauging his reaction.
He gave her a soft smile to encourage her to continue.
“I had to discover who I was without my father harping at me all the time. If you knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, you would’ve tried to come to Atlanta with me.”
She paused to take a long breath. “But your mother—your whole family—needed you. If I made you think I didn’t want to be with you anymore, you would stay home with them without feeling guilty, which is exactly what you did.”
Just as he’d thought. He regretted it happening, but from what he could see, the time away had been good for her. “And look at you. My gosh, just look at you. You’re not working in some dead-end job with three kids and harboring resentment for your husband because he kept you here. You came back strong and independent. Able to stand up to your father. A professional counselor respected by your peers.”
She sat unmoving, her attention fixed on his face. Tears began to slide down her cheeks. He didn’t know how to respond. Were these tears of joy over her changes or tears of loss? Careful not to touch the angry gash on her cheek, he gently swiped his thumb over the tears, something he’d done time after time in high school.
She didn’t pull away, and a nervous laugh escaped her throat. “And now this is the part where you forgive me for hurting you because you realize I did what I did because I loved you.”
“You had a good reason, and I can forgive you.” Second nature with her had him reaching out to take her in his arms, but he let his hands fall.
He wanted to hold her until her tears stopped again, but he wouldn’t risk reconnecting as they had in high school. Couldn’t risk caring for her again. She’d nearly died yesterday, and this nightmare wasn’t over.
She was still in danger.
If the man who set fire to the barn wanted to hurt her, Ryan wasn’t sure he could stop him. Losing Cara had proven his limitations, and despite his best efforts, any woman he loved could die.
6
Mia wished she’d known about the condition of Ryan’s vintage truck before she accepted a ride home with him. Under the noontime sun, the vintage vehicle rumbled down the winding country road to the rattling of soda cans on the floor. Flies had succumbed to the quicksand of dust and grime on the dashboard, and cracks populated the seat with tufts of stuffing eager to escape.
Redressed in her fire-ravaged clothes, Mia matched the interior, but not Ryan. Today he wore an emerald green shirt highlighting his dark coloring and coordinating perfectly with khaki tactical pants and hiking boots. He had a day’s or more worth of stubble on his jaw, and as he climbed into the truck, a hesitant, little-boy-lost look had crossed his face and made it hard to keep her eyes off him.
He’d been so helpful, and she was now even more grateful for running into him. But was he what he seemed or did he really have his own agenda?
Last night when she’d tried to fall asleep in the noisy hospital, her thoughts kept drifting back to the ambulance ride. Back to his loving expression as he answered Jessie’s questions and calmed her fears, much as he’d comforted Mia after her father’s many rampages.
Then she had to go and dream about Ryan too.
Not just him, but them as a couple again, married and with a family. The whole American dream wrapped up in a neat little package. Two children, a boy and a girl, living in the big lodge at Evergreen, and of course a dog romping around the place. Foolish, but she liked it. Even wide awake with all of the turmoil of her life, she liked it.
She glanced at his strong profile. How could she spend day after day working alongside him at Wilderness Ways and not wonder what their life would’ve been like if they’d never broken up?
He slowed the truck at a stop sign and glanced her way. “You thinking about the fire again?”
She wasn’t about to admit the truth, so she lifted her shoulders in a shrug.
He seemed to buy her vague response and clicked on the blinker. “I don’t have to tell you that people who survive an experience like a fire often start to ponder the meaning of life and why they were spared. I’m not sure how you stand on God these days, but He can help you through this if you turn to Him.”
She swiveled toward Ryan. “You’ve embraced religion?”
