Would it be too dangerous? Would the child worry?
He couldn’t do that to her. Even if he didn’t like the job he ended up with, she took first place. Maybe he should talk to the Maddox brothers about starting his own survival business in Portland. Could he succeed at that? He would have to because, first and foremost, he had to provide for Avery.
The pastor offered his blessing, and Finn turned to the others who’d joined him this morning. The Maddox brothers and their parents, plus Reid’s daughter Jessie and their cook, Poppy, who also belonged to this church, were there. Finn hadn’t met them as they usually attended the early service. He and Avery came to the later one. Ryleigh and her grandparents had arrived too, and she’d sat with them in the row behind him. The entire visiting Veritas team filled three rows behind everyone.
For an hour they were able to forget about the crime awaiting them and focus on refreshing their souls. At least that was what Finn had been doing. Now he was ignoring his urge to look at Ryleigh to see if she would give him any hint of how she felt about last night’s kiss. She’d been nothing but professional with him on the ride to church, but was her usual open and warm self with Avery.
Guess that told him what he needed to know. She might’ve liked the kiss—that wasn’t in question for either of them—but she regretted it just as he did. Nothing honorable about giving in to it. He had to do better. Be the man her grandad expected Finn to be.
He turned the bracelet on his wrist. At least one thing wasn’t a bust from the night before. He hoped the bracelet meant things would be easier between him and Avery from now on. He could at least say from his side that the moment brought out every protective instinct in him, and he knew he would do anything to keep his little peanut safe and for her to feel loved and cherished for the rest of her life.
Listen to him, even thinking a word like cherish. Ugh. Not a word that had ever been in his vocabulary, but it was there to stay now.
Eloise approached him. “Nice bracelet. Avery worked so hard to make it for you, and I’m glad to see you wearing it.”
He released the beads and smiled. “When a special little seven-year-old offers you a bracelet, you wear it for as long as she wants.”
“I haven’t spent much time with you, young man, but as soon as I saw that bracelet on your wrist this morning, I knew you were a good man.” Eloise smiled. “Ready for some brunch? Barbie and I have everything ready and in warming dishes in the fellowship hall, so we can serve the whole group.”
He still couldn’t get used to the fact that Barbara, the Maddox brothers’ mother, was nicknamed Barbie. All he could think of was a Barbie doll. But from what he’d seen so far this morning, the name fit her free-spirited personality far better than Barbara or even Barb would.
“Thank you for going to all the trouble for us, but we’ll have to eat and scram for a task force meeting,” he said, his mind going to the information Nick had finally provided for the team this morning. Turned out Carla had a tough password on her phone and cracking it had taken longer than Nick had hoped, and he’d worked through the night.
Eloise waved a hand. “No worries. I live with a family of law enforcement or former law enforcement officers, and I’m used to that.”
How Avery might have to deal if he took a law enforcement job came to mind. “How did your children handle the worry of their father potentially getting injured on the job?”
“When they each got old enough, we sat down and had a plain talk. Brought it out in the open and then encouraged them to talk about their feelings whenever they were afraid.” She lifted her shoulders. “Every time the news reported an officer injured or slain it would come up. We didn’t watch the news much in those days.”
He nodded at her logic.
Her eyebrows rose over the large blue glasses she wore that morning. “Are you thinking of going into law enforcement?”
“Maybe in the future, but Avery’s so devastated by losing her mom that I feel like I need to do a desk job so she doesn’t have to worry about losing me.”
“That is a concern.” Eloise rested her hand on his arm. “I can see how desperate she is for a family, but I think that existed before her mother died. She told me she didn’t know anything about her dad or blood relatives on his side.”
Finn nodded. “She was conceived on a drunken one-night stand before Felicia came to faith. She doesn’t know much more than the guy’s name was Joe Carlisle, but she never looked him up. Told Avery that he loved her but wasn’t ready to be a dad.”
“So someday the child will want to find him, and you’ll have to tell her the truth.”
He nodded. “I’d do it now, but I know she either won’t believe me or won’t be able to handle it on top of losing her mom. But if I wait, will she hold it against me?”
She tsked. “You have a real predicament there.”
“What would you do?”
“Me? Oh, I don’t know. I suppose I’d wait until Avery’s settled in who she is, and then if she mentions her dad, sit her down and tell her the truth.”
“And hope she doesn’t hate me for keeping it from her.”
Eloise squeezed his arm and let go. “But here’s the thing, Finn. You didn’t create this problem, and I know you’ll fix it in the best way possible. With God at your side as you do so, it’ll all work out, and all the worry in the world isn’t going to change things.”
She was right. Of course she was. Worry was just bringing tomorrow’s troubles forward to today. Troubles that might never come, but was there a parent alive who didn’t worry at some time?
He doubted it. Didn’t excuse his worry, but with having been thrust into the position of a single father, he suspected he would always be more prone to worry. He just had to overcome it.
But he had SEAL fortitude and that would never change. He and the guys often said the only easy day was yesterday, and he had to get comfortable being uncomfortable. That’s what he had to do. After all, he was all in, all the time with Avery. He could do this.
