Kiley winced. “I wanted to talk about our past.”
Evan stood. “And that’s my cue to give you two some time alone.”
Kiley didn’t want him to leave, but they’d agreed she neededto do this alone. She smiled up at him and nodded. He squeezed her hand and stepped out the door, the latch closing solidly behind him.
Alone. She felt alone. So odd when just a week ago she’d been on her own and thought she liked it that way. Now she knew she needed Evan in her life. And her mother too, if they could patch things up.
“Okay, the big dramatic exit’s over.” Her mother crossed her arms again. “So, what about our past?”
Kiley took a long breath and blurted out, “After Dad died, you changed.”
“Well, of course I did.” She looked at Kiley for a long, tense moment, her eyes rimmed in thick makeup. “You try losing the love of your life and see if it doesn’t change you.”
Of all the things Kiley imagined her mother saying, she didn’t expect this answer and had never really thought about her father’s death from a wife’s perspective. Never having been in a serious relationship, she had no frame of reference. Now that she had Evan in her life, she could better understand how her mother felt back then. Still... “I lost my dad too. You didn’t seem to notice.”
She raised her chin and sniffed. “Maybe I handled things badly, but there I was. No income with very little money in the bank. And I had a kid to take care of. I couldn’t dwell on how you were handling things.”
This was the first Kiley had ever heard of any money issues. “What about Grandma and Grandpa? If money was so tight, couldn’t we have moved in with them?”
“I was far too old to run home to my parents.”
“Instead you took up with the first man who came along.”
Her mother gasped.
“I’m sorry, Mom.” Kiley swiveled the glass bowl filled with fake apples on the table. “That wasn’t nice, but it’s how I felt at the time. That it was easy for you to replace Dad.”
“I could never replace your father. Never.” Her vehemence shocked Kiley. “Which is why I’ve never remarried. I keep looking for what I had with your dad. I know now I might never find it and have to be content to be on my own until something real comes along.”
She sounded so sad, the anger in Kiley’s heart thawed a fraction. “I’m sorry about that, Mom. I really am.”
“I hear a big oldbutcoming.”
“But you knew some of those guys came on to me, and you still let them stay.”
“They were paying the bills.” The words flew from her mouth. “I couldn’t throw them out. Did any of them hurt you? Do more than make a few suggestions and winks?”
“No, but I was just a teenager. Impressionable and vulnerable. On top of that, we lived our lives in fear. You basically confined me to the house outside school hours.”
“I couldn’t risk losing you.” She cast a pleading look at Kiley. “Besides, seems like you turned out fine to me. You have a big FBI job. Tops in your field. Hours at a computer gave you that job, you know.”
Kiley resisted sighing. “I’m not fine. I let fear color everything I do. I refused to ever make a commitment to a man because of fear.”
“Then why bring that guy here?” She flicked a hand at the door.
“Because I love him enough to confront my fear once and for all.”
“What exactly doesthatmean?”
“Means I needed to come see you, to tell you how I feel so I can let go of all this anger and fear.”
Her mother looked down at her lap for a long time before lifting her head. Tears swam in her eyes. “I know I made a mess of things for you. For me. Your grandparents told me often enough. How could I not know?” She took a shudderingbreath. “I can’t change the past, but I can tell you how sorry I am. Can you forgive me?”
Kiley was stunned. This was the first time in years that she’d seen any real sincerity coming from her mother. She wasn’t blowing smoke—she really meant what she said.
One of God’s promises came to mind.Remember, you have been set free.God did that for her. She could do the same thing for her mother. She could forgive. Apparently she just needed to hear her mother acknowledge her mistakes and apologize. Didn’t mean they would be instant buddies, but it was a huge step nonetheless.
She reached for her mother’s hand. “Of course I can.”
