She opened the door to the room she shared with Lucien and discovered him lying on the bed, recently showered, and wearing only boxer shorts. His back was against the headboard as he held a book on his lap.
When she shut the door, he lowered the book and smiled at her. “How was your day?” he asked.
“It was… a day.”
Lucien sensed the unhappiness in her tone as she leaned against the door. “Did something happen?”
“No.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
Callie didn’t know how to explain, and she was afraid of popping the bubble encasing them. However, she couldn’t keep going through this limbo her life had become. She’d lost control of her life, but she would take that control back.
“This isn’t my life. I like it here, I’m making friends, and I’m safe, but before the Savages took me, I had dreams, goals, and a career. I know I can never get that back, and it’s all gone, but I want something more than this.”
Lucien’s mouth went dry as panic seeped through him. He’d been trying to give her space and time to acclimate to her life here, and he’d believed everything was going well as she’d fallen into a routine and was making friends.
It was becoming increasingly difficult to deny his growing compulsion to turn her into a vampire, but he was waiting to broach the mate topic with her. She’d had so much thrown at her that he didn’t want to upset her by adding more.
As long as she was safe, here, and with him, he could keep his compulsion to change her under control, especially if he fed regularly, which meant he was drinking five bags a day. Even with the Savages having starved him for so long, it was still an excessive amount of blood.
But now, her words caused the demon within him to stir, and like a dragon roused from a deep slumber, it sought to destroy.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“And what more do youwant, Callie?”
Callie sensed the change in him as his face took on a harshness she hadn’t seen since their flight from the Savages. She’d never felt unsafe around him, but she suddenly felt like she was walking on eggshells and had no idea how to proceed.
In the end, she opted for the truth.
“I want my life back. I know I can never have it, but I can have some of my things. I want to know what is going to become of me. Am I supposed to spend the rest of my days going from yoga, to lunch, to afternoon training class, to dinner, to bed with you?”
Instead of answering, he simply stared at her, which made this more frustrating.
“I miss being with animals and feeling like I’m doing something good,” she continued in a rush. If he wasn’t going to respond, then she would at least make him see. “I miss my friends and concerts. I understand I can’t have those things anymore, but I still miss and grieve them. I’m grateful to you for protecting me, but… but… this is difficult for me. And the worst is the uncertainty.”
“Uncertainty about what?”
“My future. I had it planned out for so long, and now it’s all gone. I was going to buy a farm, raise chickens, have horses, rehabilitate wild animals, and foster adoption animals. I was going to have a garden and learn how to can fruit and make spaghetti sauce. I was going to have family and children and now… now….”
“Now what?” Lucien growled as her words continued to poke the barely leashed demon.
Callie threw her hands up in exasperation. “Now, I don’t know anything! I don’t know how long I’ll be welcome here, or when you’ll grow tired of me and move on to someone else, or what will happen as I grow older. I’ve lost everything, and I know absolutely nothing about what is to become of me!”
The rush of those words was like a bucket of ice water dumped over his head as he caged the demon within him. He’d made a mistake by not making his intentions with her clear. He’d been trying to protect her and give her space to adjust to her new life, but he’d only succeeded in giving her nothing but uncertainty. She deserved better than that.
Lucien rose from the bed and walked toward her. As he approached, her shoulders went back and her chin lifted. Her posture was defiant, but the unhappiness in her eyes made him kick himself in the ass. He stopped before her and lifted a strand of her hair to run it through his fingers.
“I will never grow tired of you, Callie,” he said. “I will never throw you aside for someone else. You’re it for me.”
Uncertainty glimmered in her eyes, but her posture softened. Lucien didn’t know how to proceed; he’d never done anything like this before. He didn’t talk about feelings or things he wanted, but if he was going to ease her distress, then he had to tell her what he hoped for from her.
He’d never wanted something as badly as he did Callie to accept him and agree to stay with him. He was scared he would somehow blow this. In the end, he decided to go with the simple truth.
“I want you to stay with me forever.”
He lifted his gaze from the black hair in his hands to her face as he tried to gauge her reaction.
