Fully dressed again,Willow lay on Declan’s lap while his hands ran idly over her hair. She clutched the shirt he’d put back on before removing her blindfold. He hid something beneath it, but she didn’t ask, just as she’d decided not to ask about his “sensing” of things. When he was ready, he’d show or tell her. For now, she was content to learn more about him gradually.
Besides, she had something else to discuss with him. “I know it’s a bit late for this conversation.” She lifted her head to look up at him. “But I’m not on any birth control. I’m not even sure human birth control would work for vamps.” She’d used condoms with her other partners; she wasn’t concerned about diseases, but she was about babies.
“Probably not.”
“You pulled out earlier, but…”
“I didn’t the first time we were together.”
“Yeah.”
“That was a mistake; it won’t happen again. I was… I was…”
“Celibate for five hundred years and a little excited?” she suggested with a teasing smile.
His silver eyes sparkled when he grinned at her. “I could have been celibate for five hours, and I still would have been overexcited with you.”
“So, in the future….”
“I’ll be more careful and more restrained. I don’t want children.”
Willow’s eyebrows shot up. “Ever?”
He didn’t know what to say; chances were she wanted to have a child someday, and he didn’t want to deny her anything, but… “I’d be a horrible father, Willow.”
“You’re kind, patient, and have spent your whole life protecting others. What about those qualities makes you a horrible father?”
His eyes flickered away from her, and he focused on the window. The set of his jaw told her that he wasn’t going to answer.
“Do you want children?” he asked.
“Not now, but yes, one day I’d like to have them.” A muscle in his cheek jumped, and something inside her shriveled as she took in his harsh countenance. “Declan—”
“I’m not the type of man who should father children.”
Willow struggled to understand his words. Did that meanshewould never get to experience a child of her own, or would he one day change his mind? Or worse, would he cave to her wishes for a baby and resent her and the child afterward?
As her distress beat against him, Declan closed his eyes. She’d accepted what he was and what he’d done in his past, but this was tearing her apart inside. “If you want them,” he murmured, “then I would have them.”
He realized he’d said the wrong thing when he felt anger spear through her.
“I don’t want to have children with someone who’s only doing it as a favor to me,” she snapped.
“That’s not what I meant.” He pulled her back when she tried to climb out of his lap. “It came out wrong. It’s just.…” His voice trailed off as he tried to think of how to explain it to her. “I don’t want to become my father.”
Some of Willow’s tension eased as she realized that it wasn’t that he didn’t like kids; he was afraid he’d turn Savage.
“But you have me to keep you from becoming a Savage,” she reminded him.
He smiled at her, but it was strained and didn’t reach his eyes.
“I have you,” he murmured. He looked toward the window as the sun started to set. “And I would love to have children with you. You’ll be a fantastic mom, but I’ll….”
He recalled the last time he saw his father, the blood and suffering of those final days with him. Willow would keep him more stable, but he’d vowed never to have children, vowedneverto take the chance he would turn into his father with them.
Willow rested her hand against his face when his gaze took on a distant, haunted look. “You’ll be an amazing dad,” she assured him. “But we’ll discuss this later. Like after we make it out of here alive and about ten years have passed.”
Unless I’m already pregnant,but that was something she’d would worry about later. Besides, they had bigger problems to face… like the setting sun.
