“We take their things away because we don’t like seeing the reminders of a past lost to us all, but…”—her gaze traveled to me before flicking away—“we never really forget the past. No matter how much we try, it’s still there. Even when we think we’ve forgotten, pictures or not, the past and the dead come back tohauntus.”
She lifted her hand to rub her forehead, and I understood that Wren seeing her father’s remains again had affected her more than I’d known. The shadows under her eyes and the lines framing her mouth weren’t only from lack of sleep, but also sorrow. Seeing her house and her father again had done more than trigger an old nightmare into returning, it had torn her open and propelled her back into a past she’d buried for fourteenyears.
She looked young and vulnerable now because in many ways she’d become that child watching her mother die all over again. Right then, I’d never wanted to hold someone as much as her, but I remained where I was. She had to work through this in herownway.
Her hand fell away, and she blinked at the kitchen as if she were seeing it for the first time. “I don’t know what I’m saying. In reality, the dead should only matter to demons, angels, and ghosts. Not to the living, not anymore. We can’t do anything for them. We bury them where they fall, if we’re able to take the time to bury them, and move on as if they never existed tobeginwith.”
“The dead should always matter to those they matter to,” I said. “If you prefer to remember them, then do so. If it’s easier to forget, thenforget.”
“Thanks for your permission!” she retorted before heaving a sigh. “Sorry. I’m not usually so bitchy. Well, at least I’m not usually thisconsistentlybitchy.”
She stared at the back door as she ran her fingers through her still-damp hair. It was the first time I’d seen her hair free of its braid, and I was unable to resist following her fingers as she worked the tangles from the pale blondetressesfree.
“I must bring out the best in you,” Iteased.
She gave me a small smile. “I think I’m starting to realize that it's not easier toforget.”
“No, it’s not,” Iagreed.
Rising to her feet, she wiped her ass off before bending to lift the jars and placing them in the sink. She stared into the flames of one of the three candles on the counter as she spoke. “When every safe house is established, one of the first things the Wilders do is put all the personal items away. This might sound a little crazy, but sometimes I leave something behind when I stay in one of them. Not something from the family who lived there, but something ofmine. Usually, it’s a rock I found somewhere or a tree branch. Once I cut off a piece of my hair and left it under a couchcushion.”
The metal candle holder scoured the counter when she started twisting it. “I know it’s an odd thing to do, but I still do it. When I’m gone, all my useful things will be divided between the Wilders, as they should be. Anything personal of mine will be left behind. Though, I have nothingpersonal.
“Like the families who originally lived in the safe houses, I’ll be forgotten too, which is okay. I understand that, but by leaving small things behind, I know something of me will remain somewhere on this planet. Even if it’s something no one else will ever know about or recognize as mine,Iknow it’sthere.”
She stopped turning the candle and hunched her shoulders up to her ears. “Why am I telling you this?” shemurmured.
Lifting the candle, she turned to face me. Vulnerability shone in her eyes, but so did anger at herself, at me, and at the world, I wascertain.
“I watched the human race more than most other demons while we were in Hell. Most never cared to see what was happening on Earth, but I did. I watched Charlemagne fight, the progression of what was later called the Middle Ages, the plague, the Crusades, the settlement of the new world, and the numerous wars and deaths over religions you humans had wrong. I followed the rise and fall of kings and queens, presidents, buildings,andtime.
“Technology fascinated me. People made so many achievements in such a short period. Things that once wiped out entire cities and towns stopped being threats. Views changed, people changed, the clothing became less, the advances more, and then one day it all ended. Most of human civilization fell, most of what I’d seen ceased to exist in an instant, and I no longer had to watch from afar, but Iwashere.”
“Why did you watch us so much?” sheinquired.
“I’m not sure,” I admitted. “For some reason, humans fascinated me. Maybe it was because, by the time I was born, demons weren’t allowed to cross back and forth between Hell and Earth. I think I would have ventured to Earth often, if the skelleins, the hellhounds, and the varcolac deemed me worthy of being able todoso.”
“What say would they haveinit?”
“Kobal is the only one who can open a gateway between Hell and Earth, but when demons were allowed to travel to Earth, the varcolac, hounds, and skelleins worked together to guard the gates and the demons who passed through them. They also decided who they thought was worthy of passingthrough.”
“I didn’t know that.” She set the candle down again. “Did you watch the humans while they were naked andstuff?”
“I’m not that perverted,” I assured her with a laugh. “Besides, the oracle never revealed anything thatspecific.”
“What is theoracle?”
“It’s a lake of fire, deep in the bowels of Hell where demons could look on the human realm. Unlike some of the humans who glimpsed between the veils separating Hell and Earth, I didn’t see between those veils so I had to travel to the oracle. Few other demons made the journey as the oracle was also the central focus of heatinHell.”
“Oh.”
“I am a little perverted though,” I teased and mentally kicked myself in the ass as soon as the words were out of my mouth.Not with Wren, I reminded myself, but to my surprise, shesmiled.
“Not you, demon,” she teased back, and for the first time, she didn’t say the word demon as if it were something distasteful. Then her smile slid away and she reclaimed her candle. “Do you want the first watch or should Itakeit?”
“I’ll keep watch while yousleep.”
“Wake me in twohours.”
