She was thinking about Logan. About whether he was healing. Whether the nightmares had started. Whether he thought about her the way she thought about him. Whether the promise he'd made at the rally point had been real or just something to say in the moment.
"You're a million miles away," Nadia said, appearing at her shoulder. "Want to talk about it?"
"Nothing to talk about."
"Right. Which is why you've been staring at that map for five minutes without actually seeing it." Nadia crossed her arms. "You've been like this since we got back. Competent in the field but distracted everywhere else. Checking your phone more. Staring off into space. This isn't like you."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You're waiting."
Mara turned to face her. "Waiting for what?"
"For him to contact you. For some sign that what happened in Mosul meant something." Nadia's expression was gentle but direct. "You told him how to find you. Gave him Louisiana. Gave him a path through Beth and Quinn. Now you're wondering if he'll actually use it."
"He's recovering from three days of torture and multiple surgeries. I'm sure contacting me isn't high on his priority list."
"Or maybe he's thinking the same thing you are. That it was real. That it mattered. That he wants to see you again but doesn't know if you want to see him." Nadia paused. "You could make the first move. Quinn could get a message to him."
"And say what? Hey, remember me? Want to grab coffee and talk about how we both almost died?" Mara shook her head. "He's Delta. I'm Shadow Veil. We live in completely different worlds."
"Worlds that intersected pretty dramatically two weeks ago."
"Once. In an emergency. That doesn't mean it translates to anything else."
"Doesn't mean it doesn't." Nadia studied her. "You're scared."
"I'm not scared."
"You are. You're scared that if you reach out, he won't respond. Or worse, he will respond and it'll turn out the connection was just adrenaline and proximity. That there's nothing there without the life-or-death stakes." Nadia's voice softened. "But you won't know unless you try."
Mara didn't have an answer for that. Because Nadia was right. She was scared. Terrified, actually. Of reaching out and being rejected. Of finding out that the man who'd looked at her in that cell and said she was worth dying for had just been saying what people say when they're grateful to be alive. Of discovering that the connection she'd felt was one-sided.
"I need to focus on Dallas," Mara said, deflecting. "We've got four days to plan an extraction. I can't afford to be distracted."
"You're already distracted," Nadia pointed out. "But fine. Focus on Dallas. Focus on the work. Just don't be surprised when it doesn't make you stop thinking about him."
She walked away, leaving Mara alone with the tactical map and thoughts she couldn't quiet. The operations center hummed around her. Quinn typing. Winter coordinating. The familiar sounds of Shadow Veil doing what it did best. Saving people. Making a difference. Building something that mattered.
But standing there, looking at maps of Dallas and thinking about a man in North Carolina, Mara felt the disconnect. Felt the gap between the life she'd built and the possibility of something else. Something that scared her more than any operation ever had.
Her phone buzzed. Text from Sloane. "My office. Now."
Mara walked to Sloane's office and found her waiting behind the desk, expression unreadable. "Close the door."
Mara did. Sat in the chair across from her. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. I just need to ask you something and I need you to be honest." Sloane leaned forward. "Are you still capable of running operations? Because if your head's somewhere else, if you're compromised, I need to know now. Before we put the team at risk."
"I'm not compromised."
"No? Because from where I'm sitting, you've been distracted since we got back from Mosul. Going through the motions but not fully present. That's not like you. That's not the operator I've worked with for nine years."
Mara's jaw tightened. "I'm handling it."
"Handling what? The fact that you can't stop thinking about Logan Reed? The fact that you're waiting for him to contact you and it's eating you up that he hasn't?" Sloane's voice was direct but not unkind. "I'm not judging. I'm just saying that if your head's not in the game, you're a liability. To yourself and to the team."
"My head's in the game."
