She was failing at the not thinking part.
"You're up early," Nadia's voice came from behind her. Footsteps on the wooden dock. "Couldn't sleep?"
"Slept too much already," Mara replied without turning around. "Figured I'd watch the sunrise."
Nadia came to stand beside her, coffee cup in hand. Steam rose in the cool morning air. "You've been out here a lot the last couple days."
"It's peaceful."
"It's also avoidance." Nadia took a sip. "You want to talk about it?"
"About what?"
"About the fact that you've been staring off into space every time someone mentions the op. About the way you shut down when Sloane asked if we'd been compromised. About whatever's going on in your head that's keeping you out here instead of inside with the team."
Mara was quiet for a moment. A fish jumped somewhere across the water, ripples spreading. She could still feel Logan's weight against her. Could still see the way he'd looked at her in that cell like she was the only thing keeping him anchored. Could still hear his voice, rough and determined even while barely conscious. "He was different than I expected."
"Logan?"
"Yeah." Mara leaned against the dock railing. "When I saw him in that compound the first time, he was just another operator. Made the call to stay behind so we could get Karim out. I respected that. But when we went back, when I found him in that cell." She paused, the memory sharp and immediate. "He looked like hell but he was still fighting. Still had that edge that doesn't quit. And when he looked at me, even through all that damage, I could see him. Really see him. Not just the injuries. Him."
"Attraction," Nadia said simply.
"Yeah. Maybe." Mara ran a hand through her hair. "It's stupid. I spent maybe twenty minutes total with him. Most of that time he was bleeding out or barely conscious. But I can't stop thinking about him. About the way he looked at me at thehandoff. About whether he's okay. About whether he meant it when he said he'd find me."
"He gave you his real name. That means something."
"Logan Reed." Mara said it quietly, testing the way it felt. She'd replayed that moment a hundred times. The way he'd looked at her and offered his name like a gift. Like something that mattered. "He was half-dead and still trying to make promises he might not be able to keep."
"Or promises he fully intended to keep," Nadia countered. "You gave him Louisiana. Told him how to find you. That's not nothing."
"I was caught up in the moment. We both were. Adrenaline and chaos and the fact that we'd just pulled off something impossible." Mara straightened up. "He's Delta. I'm Shadow Veil. We operate in completely different worlds."
"Worlds that just intersected pretty dramatically."
"Once. In an emergency." Mara's hands tightened on the railing. "He's got his life. We've got ours. Best to leave it at that."
"You really believe that?"
Mara didn't answer. Because the truth was she didn't. Some part of her kept circling back to the moment at the rally point when she'd had to let him go. The way his hand had felt in hers. The way he'd said her name like he was committing it to memory. The promise in his eyes that this wasn't over.
She'd memorized details without meaning to. The exact shade of his eyes, dark and intense even through the pain. The scar on his jaw that predated the recent beating. The way his voice had gone rough when he'd thanked her. The strength in his grip even when he was barely conscious. The way he'd looked at her and said "someone worth dying for" like he'd meant every word.
Physical attraction she understood. He was built like someone who'd spent twenty years in special operations. Evenbeaten to hell, there had been something compelling about him. But it was more than that. It was the professionalism under pressure. The dark humor in the face of impossible odds. The choice to stay behind so a kid could get out. The way he'd looked at her in that cell and recognized her even through the injuries. Like she mattered. Like the connection she'd felt wasn't one-sided.
"I need to let it go," Mara said. "Focus on what comes next. We took huge risks in Mosul."
"Has there been any blowback?" Nadia asked.
"Not yet. Quinn's monitoring communications. So far nothing. No chatter about unauthorized rescue ops. No questions being asked. Ghost and Hawk kept their word about keeping us out of it."
"Good."
"Yeah." Mara pushed off from the railing. "I should get inside. Morning briefing in twenty."
She walked back toward the main house, leaving Nadia on the dock. Inside, the compound was waking up. Women moving through the common areas. The smell of coffee and breakfast from the kitchen. The familiar routines of L'Abri Sûr continuing like they always did. Like the world hadn't shifted slightly on its axis three days ago when she'd looked into Logan Reed's eyes and felt something she hadn't felt in years. Maybe ever.
The ops center was already occupied when she arrived. Sloane sat at the main table with Quinn. Both looked up as Mara entered.
