I close the notebook.
I rest my forehead against the cold glass of the window.
And I watch the mountains get smaller in the side mirror, telling myself he was wrong, because I'm not embarrassed.
I'm in love with him.
And that's worse.
7
GARRETT
Nine days.
Nine days since the county pickup pulled out of my drive and I've been a man living in a cabin that smells like a woman who doesn't live here anymore.
Ghost won't come inside. He lies on the porch with his head on his paws and stares down the fire road like she's going to appear if he watches long enough. I've stopped telling him to come in. He's a better man than I am. He at least has the decency to keep looking.
I split wood I don't need.
I clean a rifle that's already clean.
I walk the perimeter three times a night and twice at dawn. I don't sleep for shit because every time I close my eyes I see her in the passenger seat of that truck with her face turned away from the window and her shoulders square.
I told her she'd be embarrassed.
I told her I wasn't scared.
I told her a lot of things in my kitchen that morning, and I've thought about every one of them for nine days, and here's what I know.
I was a coward.
Not the kind of coward who runs from a fight. I've never been that. The kind of coward who sees the best thing that's ever walked into his life and tells her she can't possibly know what she wants because knowing what she wants means knowing what I am, and I can't survive her looking at what I am and choosing something else.
So I chose it for her.
And I sent her down the mountain.
I'm a goddamn fool.
Parker comes up on day nine.
Pulls in at noon. Diesel engine. Old truck. Gets out with a folder and a look on his face that's half sheriff and half pissed-off uncle.
"You look like hell."
"Appreciate it."
"Got the paperwork on the raid. Thought you'd want copies. Also. Ms. Reyes gave her statement. Grand jury's moved up. She'll be clear to move in about two weeks."
"Good."
"She's staying in Reno."
"Why."
"AG office offered her a consulting position. Mining fraud unit. She took it."
