“Talk to me, Babygirl. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
I shake my head as a monsoon of emotions hits me hard and my throat clogs.
“Shhh, baby. I’ve got you.” He stands, brushes my hair back, and kisses my forehead. My cheeks.
When he pulls back, I grab his shirt and bring him in for a kiss. Just one. I need the connection only his lips on me can give right now.
“I’m not going anywhere. Got all the time in the world. Just talk to me,” he says, pressing his forehead to mine before sitting on the edge of the bed. I should tell him not to, but I really want him close to me, and rules are sometimes broken.
“Ashley had a checkup. I was only meant to go with her because Barry couldn’t. Or I guess wouldn’t. I also went because I was going to get an appointment for…” I glance at him bashfully before looking back down. “You know.”
He uses his fingers to raise my chin to look at him. “Stop.” It’s a hard tone, but I don’t flinch from it. “No more apologizing. No more feeling foolish or guilty for what happened. You had one thought and knew to check it out. I would have insisted on it as well.”
I nod and swallow the unwanted emotions down. Sadness. That’s what I’m feeling. But I’m not sure if it’s sadness at the loss of the idea of a kid of my own or what happened to my friend.
“We were in the waiting room. Ruby was there, and we were talking. Ashley had been sent back for a preliminary blood-pressure test and stuff like that when Barry came in demanding to see her. He had a single-track focus on finding her. I don’t think he saw anyone else in that room till he saw her. Then he… he….” I can’t finish as it hits me all over again. I can see it, feel it, smell it…. Tears and shudders rack my body and I sob. He grabs me quickly and pulls me into his arms.
I cry for what feels like hours, and he lets me. I can barely get out the rest, but I finally do between sobs. He gets it, all of it. If I left anything out, I’m sure I’ll tell him later, but for now, he has it all.
He continues to hold me, rocking me a little as my tears dry up and the emotions of the day die down enough for me to take steady breaths.
“Thank you for protecting Ruby,” he says. I nod in acceptance. “She likes you.”
I snort and pull back so he can see my eye roll.
“Well, she doesn’t think you’re the devil incarnate at least.”
“There’s that, I guess,” I mutter, which gets a laugh out of him as he brings me back against his chest.
“About the baby.” He takes a breath, and I hold my own. “Do you want one?”
He rubs my arm with one hand and holds my hand with the other one. If it weren’t for the occasional beeping and the puke-green gown I’m in, I could almost assume we’re somewhere else. Anywhere else but at a hospital because of the day I’ve had.
I close my eyes and let my heart speak for me.
“Yes.”
I never knew I did till now. The future wasn’t something I planned beyond what a weekend shift was, my mind always on the here and now. Thoughts of family and kids, even what the house would look like, never crossed my mind before today. But now that I know it was a trick of the system, I can see what I want. I can describe it.
“Before, the future was just me and Nana. Just the same day over and over, and that was okay for me.”
“Till?” he pushes softly, not probing for more than I’m ready to give.
“You,” I answer honestly and look up at him. “You came into my life, and then I thought of what it could be with you. The same over and over was never a bad dream, but it wasn’t till you came along that I knew I wanted more.”
“And now?”
“I still want more,” I whisper.
“Tell me.”
I start speaking before I even realize he demanded an answer. But it wasn’t a demand. It was a plea to learn more. To know about my heart’s desire and wants, which I’m still learning myself. To share them with him, the good and the bad. To see if they align with his or if we aren’t as perfect a match as I’ve suspected from the start.
“A house like Nana’s. Big and old, so the charm doesn’t go away. A dog and a cat.”
“Both?”
I smile and nod. “I can’t decide, so I think it’s best just to get one of each. They can grow up together and be the best of friends too.”This one is probably a dream I’ve seen from watching too many late-night TikToks with cute animals.
