“I looked at old pictures, videos. Did meditation and other stuff someone online said would work to get my memory back, but it’s gone. I don’t know why, and I don’t know why it centers on you and your mom, but it does.”
“You don’t rememberanything?” she whispers, so softly that if it wasn’t for the wind, I would have missed it with the way she’s turned away from me.
“I get flashes. Feelings if I go somewhere or enter a certain room. Not warm feelings or anything, just a sudden burst of something I can’t describe other than sometimes it feels like happiness, other times sadness. A part of meremembers her, remembers you, but it’s nothing more than flashbangs right now. Will it change? No clue. I know you might think I’m running from my memory, but I’m not. I just don’t want to sit around and wait for it to come. I want to live.”
She turns back to face me, and I see tears in her eyes, but none have fallen just yet. “And what happens when you remember? You used to say that the thought of touching another woman made you physically ill. Do you think you’ll be able to still be withherif you remember Mom?”
I breathe out heavily through my nose and feel my shoulders sink. I shake my head and answer honestly. “I don’t know. But I will not let Diana go just because I might remember someone who consumed my entire life once. I don’t want to wake up hating that my memory is gone and that I wasted my life wanting it back.”
A tear falls, and then her head turns, but not away. Just facing the front, giving me her profile.
“When I was held captive, I thought about you. At first I wanted nothing more than to have you hold me in your arms like you used to do when I was a little girl and had a nightmare. How you would rock me and sing offbeat heavy metal to get me back to sleep.” She laughs and rubs her nose with the back of her hand. “You always had terrible taste in music.”
I crack a small smile but say nothing else. I said my piece; now it’s her turn.
“Then I was mad. So mad. Knowing you didn’t remember me, that you probably weren’t even looking.” She glances at me, and it’s my turn to look away guiltily. She turns back and looks forward again. “But then I knew I didn’t haveto want you to come. Just the family you gave me. You raised me here, with everyone. I hated them at times, especially with all the shit they pulled keeping you and your coma a secret. Making me think I was alone in this world.” She shakes her head, but a small smile spreads across her lips.
“You used to say that you and Mom fell in love instantly. That for you, it took one look and that was it. Mom said she needed a lot more convincing. Guess I take after her more than I thought.”
I hear her words and glance at the back of her leather jacket. The Hounds logo is on it, but so is a name: Peaches. She glances over her shoulder, and her smile doesn’t fade for once as she looks at me.
“He makes me happy,” she murmurs, and I move my gaze from her new club name to her face.
“I might not remember, but I want you to be happy. I think I always have. The other night, I remembered asking Kooper something. Something about watching someone who I can only assume was you. I wanted him to protect that person with his life. Was even willing to give up the club to him for it.”
The memory of agreeing to do anything for her safety sits heavy with me.
She nods. “Yeah, he told me. Well, after the blowup. Still debating if I should be pissed about him keeping eyes on me or not.” She turns away from me again. “Told him I reserve the right to be pissed about it later.”
“He agreed to it?” I can’t see that happening. The Kooper I know isn’t one to take orders from anyone but his president.
“Yeah.” The smile on her face says it all. She’s in love. And if he agreed, Kooper’s a goner as well.
She stands and stretches her neck to one side, then the other before turning to face me. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“Same.” Her eyes widen as if she’s shocked by my response. Probably something she wasn’t expecting. “You grew up thinking of me one way, then another. Figured we owe it to each other to stop expecting shit from either of us.”
She nods slowly as she lets my words sink in. Just enough time for me to stand and keep talking.
“I’m not going to give you some bull about needing time to remember or trying harder. What I can say is I won’t fight memories that come at me. If I’ve got questions, I’ll ask. If feelings come up and I can’t rein them in, I’ll walk away.” I snort as a thought pops into my head. “I doubt the dad you knew would be too happy knowing his little girl got with a brother, especially one who was your bodyguard.”
She huffs and smirks before sticking her hands into her back pockets and shrugging. “If it helps, we only started something earlier this year. And when the brothers found out, let’s just say they took it upon themselves to get a little dad rage in.”
“No shit?” I ask with my own surprised face.
She only nods.
I smile, giving the club props for stepping in when I couldn’t. I’ve loved this club for most of my life. Being on the outside, even if it is only me thinking it and not actually a reality, has been harder than I’ll admit. But knowing that they stepped in, did what I should have done, makes me damnproud of all of them. I might have only fathered one kid, but a lot of the brothers were just boys when they came in. I watched most grow into men, and I am honored to call each one family.
“I’ll be sure to remember that if I start feeling a bit extra around him. But look.” I reach out and grab her hand. She doesn’t pull away like I expect, and I’ll take the olive branch she’s giving me. “I want us to get to know each other. Memory or not, you’re my kid. You’re stubborn like me. The good looks must come from your mom’s side.”
“She also said I got her brains.” She sniffs but doesn’t look at me, only at my hand holding hers.
“No doubt.” I might not recall Special K, but I can appreciate that she raised one hell of a woman. I had some hand in it, too, but I’m skeptical to think it was much. “You good with starting over? Well, in a way. I accept you being an old lady and you accept me for… well, being me and learning how to navigate this world with things missing and gone?”
Her eyes remain on our hands for a while after I finish before she finally looks up. “Koop and I were going to wait. Wanted to make sure we were in the clear and all. But you should know.”
I shake my head slowly, not following. Are she and Kooper planning on leaving? Moving to a sister chapter or something? Maybe even starting a new chapter at another location? Kooper has the brains to pull it off, and if Ruby is half as amazing as I suspect, with her knowledge of the club, they would make a hell of a pair running a place.
