“We literally weren’t talking about that.”
“Well, we should.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanna know what it’s like,” Nicholas answers, licking caramel off his spoon while watching Andrew poke moodily at his own ice cream. Despite his assertions he loves his family, talking about them brought his mood down, and it’s plummeting with every second. If Nicholas were a nicer person, he might find a way out of this conservation to make Andrew feel better, but he’s not a nice person. He’s an asshole and a nosy one.
“So,” Nicholas prompts. “What’s it like?”
“The same as not being ace probably.”
“Bullshit,” Nicholas says around a too big mouthful of ice cream.
“Fine,” Andrew snaps. “You really want to know what it’s like?”
“I asked, didn’t I?”
“You’re such an asshole,” Andrew groans. That should probably make Nicholas feel guilty . Maybe it’s proof that he isan asshole that he doesn’t care. All he feels is a thrill at being the cause of Andrew’s carefully honed composure faltering.
“It’s different for everyone, but for me….for me it’s like growing up with everyone around you watching the same show,” Andrew starts. “All anyone does is talk about the show and even though you don’t understand the appeal or care, you have to try and pretend you do, so you’re not always left out of everything. Except you try to watch the show, and you just don’t get it. You try harder, wondering if you’re just watching it wrong, but no matter how many times you try, the feelings are the same after. Only when you try and tell people you don’t want to watch the show, they can’t relate. So you pretend you like it too for a while, until you can’t pretend anymore. Only being open about it makes you feel just as lonely and excluded as you did when you were pretending, because most people act like life isn’t worth living without the stupid fucking show, and people don’t know what to do with you if that’s not all you want. And you just…you just want people to stop treating you like you not liking the show means you’re broken.”
When Andrew is done speaking, he’s squeezed his pint so hard the ice cream has come out over the rim and is dripping on his hands which he stares at with a tight expression.
Suddenly, Nicholas wishes he weren’t such a fucking asshole. What the fuck is he supposed to say? He’s never comforted anyone before.
“So you don’t ever want to watch the show?” Is what he ends up asking.
“It’s complicated,” Andrew answers, attempting to clean his sticky hands.
“Make it uncomplicated.”
“Sex is never going to be something I care about,” Andrew answers. “It’s not a driving force for me, in…anything. If anything, sometimes it’s a turn off. I’m not sex repulsed, but Iget squicked by it when people talk about it in detail, and while I can in theory have it, I couldn’t care less if I never had sex again. I’d much rather read a book or cuddle. Which is apparently a deal breaker for almost everyone.”
“Then fuck them.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“No, it’s not. Someone doesn’t like you then fuck them. Maybe not literally though.”
Andrew’s eyes widen before he barks out a laugh. An unfamiliar feeling settles in Nicholas’s chest at having wiped away the tension from Andrew’s features. Usually he’s the one upsetting people, not making them feel better.
“That was surprisingly supportive.”
“Im notalwaysan asshole,” Nicholas scoffs.
“Only ninety percent of the time?” Andrew teases.
“Ninety-nine percent of the time.”
“I don’t know about that, I think maybe you’re nicer than you let on.”
“Don’t be mistaken, princess. I’m an asshole and I’ve always been one. That’s never gonna change.”
“Whatever you say, Nicki.”
“Exactly. WhateverIsay,” Nicholas huffs, unsure why he’s starting to like the way it sounds when Andrew calls him that. He’s supposed to hate it, but the way he feels right now isn’t anything close to the hate he’s used to.
“Do you wanna watch a movie?” Andrew asks.
