“Don’t you fucking dare try to pay for any of this,” Nicki grumbles.
“But—”
“No buts,” Nicki insists, kissing the side of Andrew’s neck. “My princess. My treat.”
“You’re making it hard to argue,” Andrew huffs, shivering at the pleasure Nicki’s touch invokes.
Between his own distaste for the stressors surrounding the dating game, coupled with enough bad experiences in his interpersonal relationships, sexual and otherwise, to back up this dislike, he made peace staying single.
He had Charlie and the rest of his family. That would have to be enough. Then Nicki barged into his life with a bad attitude, a body covered in tattoos and a personality that wasn’t exactly endearing. Posing as his fake boyfriend was never supposed to lead to this, yet here Andrew is getting the kind of affection and companionship he’s always secretly craved from a man who is turning out to be all the things Andrew never let himself want.
Not in a million years did Andrew expect to find a partner willing to lavish him in physical affection, knowing they were unlikely to get sex at the end. Nicki is proving to be a lot ofthings Andrew never expected—observant, possessive, patient, and most of all, respectful of Andrew’s boundaries, even when they’re at odds with Nicholas’s desires.
Case in point, right now Nicki’s dick is rock hard against Andrew’s back, an unmistakable sign Nicki is turned on, yet he isn’t trying to rut against Andrew or guilt him into more. He’s not grumpy or frustrated that holding Andrew, kissing him, won’t automatically lead to an orgasm. Against all of Andrew’s past preconceived notions about Nicholas, he’s patient and content, pressing tender kisses up and down the side of Andrew’s neck like he just might actually be happy with this and nothing more.
While Andrew is never going to be someone who ever seeks out sex, it occurs to him that a good portion of his unease around sex, even discussing it, is not revulsion but a deep sense of the entirety of it being unsafe. There are too many unknowns, too many things to negotiate trying to please other people and not violate his own messy boundaries and needs.
But Nicki? Nicki is safe in every way. His body is so strong, his heart even stronger.
Nicki makes it safe to explore. Andrew isn’t changing, isn’t going to offer Nicki something he doesn’t want, nor is he suddenly less ace—he’s simply safe to explore that little part of himself that sometimes wants more to come out, knowing that if it changes, if his yes becomes a no, that Nicki will always respect that.
Nicki is brusque where Andrew is tactful, loud when Andrew is quiet, demanding where Andrew is not and also calm when Andrew is not. They shouldn’t work, yet somehow they fit together, and it soothes his brain’s need for things to make sense. Nicki balances him, and though it hasn’t been long, Andrew can’t deny how much he’s come to care for Nicki. How much he loves him.
Love. It should be too soon, but like with all things with Nicki, they’re on their own timeline, and while this one might not be typical, he won’t pretend it isn’t true. He knows exactly how he feels.
With a sweet press of lips to the back of his neck, Andrew lets go of his fears and allows himself to do one thing he’s spent his entire adult life avoiding—be vulnerable.
“I’d like to see the bedroom, Nicki.”
“Your wish is my command,” Nicki says, hands on Andrew’s hip as he directs them out of the small living quarters and to the largest bedroom. “You want to shower before we sleep?”
Again worried only about Andrew. Nicki never goes to bed this early, especially not with the time difference. He’s also sporting the kind of erection not even his well-tailored pants can conceal, but he’s focused on what he thinks Andrew wants and needs, which makes Andrew want to give him something in return.
“I’m not ready to sleep yet, Nicki.”
“Are we cuddling?” Nicki asks, already undoing the buttons on his shirt.
“Something like that,” Andrew answers, working up the nerve to voice his actual desires out loud. He spent a lot of time while he was sick thinking about Nicki. He’s done nothing but think about him, aboutthem, since he got better too. While he hasn’t officially moved the rest of his things in, knowing Nicki wants him to stay settled something in Andrew.
This thing might have started off fake, but it’s anything but for Andrew, for Nicki too, if he’s to be trusted. And really, Andrew does trust Nicki. He trusts that Nicki meant what he said when he told Andrew he doesn’t lie, which means he really does care for him, and maybe he won’t get tired of him just because he’s particular and controlling and not as much fun aseveryone else. Nicki seems to like these things about Andrew which is…nice. Really damn nice.
Nice enough that Andrew’s been thinking a lot about sex with Nicki, more than he’s ever thought about sex before. He knows that Nicki wouldn’t be angry with him if he changes his mind in the middle of it, but he wanted to prepare, to really think about how it might go and what it might be like, and try and decide before he let things go too far if it was something he might be interested in. He’s decided he is. At least, in theory.
On its own, sex holds absolutely no appeal. Andrew doesn’t often get aroused, and if he does, he doesn’t usually care if he comes. If Nicki was not in this equation, the answer would be a firm no. But Nicki is in the equation, and that changes things. It doesn’t change Andrew, he’s still him, but it changes the parameters of certain things.
Nicki once said he would love to make Andrew his focus, to make Andrew feel good without reciprocation, and Andrew thinks he would like that, if it’s with Nicki. He likes being touched by Nicki, likes being close to him. He also likes the prospect of doing nothing.
He hasn’t been intimate with a partner since college. Well over a decade. Hasn’t kissed someone in almost as long. He won’t be very good, and he’s not sure Nicki will even enjoy it, but he wants to try because it’s Nicki. He just needs to ask first.
It’s probably ridiculous how nervous he is given that he knows Nicki will want it, is almost certain he won’t be denied. Yet saying the words out loud is hard. He practices them in his head while they strip down to nothing but their boxers, perfecting the phrasing and preparing himself for several possible responses from Nicki.
None of the mental rehearsing is sufficient when Nicki guides him into bed, tucking Andrew’s head under his chin and throwing a heavy arm around his middle. How in the world doessomeone just sayI think we should have sexout loud? Especially after spending the majority of his adult life actively avoiding it. He’s so out of his depth, it would be funny if it didn’t make him so goddamn nervous.
“Why are you tense?” Nicki asks, rubbing his palm up and down Andrew’s spine. He scoots back just enough to look Andrew in the eye. “Do you not like the hotel?”
“The hotel is lovely.”
“Is the music too loud?”
