Me:
Yeah, I’m really not sure. I think he doesn’t like himself very much.
Alice:
Well, that was obvious.
I send a quick email to the recruiter who lined up the job interview, letting her know I can’t make it today because the truck is having difficulties.
Me:
I just asked to reschedule. I don’t feel like I have the mental bandwidth to worry about what’s going on back here, hope the truck doesn’t break down again AND interview with like 5 people.
Alice:
No, I understand.
Definitely be good to yourself and take care of your brain.
I'm just being extra huffy today because I'm worried and I hate him.
Her words linger, both comforting and sharp.
I hate him too, sometimes.
But mostly, I hate how much I still want things to get better.
CHAPTER 38
BLAME IT ON THE ADDERALL
MARGAUX
Isit on the couch, staring blankly out the window, trying to make sense of the madness that’s become my life.
Timmy’s behavior is erratic and escalating, and I can’t help but reflect on what might have triggered this particular outburst.
To be fair, he has his court sentencing coming up for his DUI. Given it’s not his first offense, he’s looking at some mandatory jail time—anywhere from three to 365 days, depending on the judge’s mood.
I know I was well within my rights to make a statement and press charges when he threatened me with the chainsaw and screwdriver, but his constant lament about jail plays in the back of my mind. He’s terrified of going back inside, let alone to prison. He talks about it all the time.
But then again, if I were worried about serving time, I’d make a special effort to not run around threatening to kill people.
Me:
On the bright side, he only threw pillows yesterday. The chainsaw was placed in the hallway, and the screwdriver was placed in my hand. All threats.
Alice:
Jesus.
Timmy emerges from the back room, his demeanor unusually soft.
“Margaux, babe,” he says, his voice calm and almost remorseful. “I’m sorry for being such a piece of shit. The minute my phone is charged, I’m going to call Mom and ask her for a ticket to Montana. I don’t want to keep ruining your life.”
I stare at him, unsure if this is an elaborate joke, or if he’s finally serious.
Without waiting for a response, he retreats to the back room.
