“Right. Great. I’m glad that the human being you made is at least equal to random kids who stayed here for a few nights. Thanks a lot.”
Her mother looked at her the way someone might look at a toddler throwing a tantrum – but not Dawn, because she always had infinite patience with toddlers. It was Anne that she’d always expected too much of.
Always Anne who wasn’t allowed to falter or fail.
She stormed upstairs and shut herself in her room… much like the petulant teenager that she seemed to turn into whenever she spent too much time with her mother.
She grabbed her phone and texted the one person who always had her back.
Anne:Get me out of this house.
Oakley:What’s going on?
Anne:The usual. I’m the worst person in the world, etc.
Oakley:You are not. Where’s this coming from?
Anne:Mom and Zoe are teaming up on me.
Oakley:Sounds like you need some time at the beach.
Anne:That would be great.
Oakley:I can meet you in a couple hours.
Anne:Perfect. I’ll leave at two to pick Claire up from school. Honokaa OK?
Oakley:Yep. See you there.
Anne sent her sister a string of hearts and then set the phone aside, already feeling a bit better. She still needed to go find Pete and talk to him about what had happened.
Her son was equal parts sensitive and oblivious, so either he was deeply concerned or he had already forgotten what he’d heard. It was anybody’s guess with that kid. Either way, some time at the beach would do him good.
She was so grateful for Oakley. Whatever else happened, her sister was in her corner.
The trouble was, she didn’twantcorners. She didn’t want to fight.
She just didn’t know how to make things right.
Dawn’s words hurt because they were true. The more time she spent in Pualena – and with Noah – the more regret she felt about leaving in the first place. She’d hurt him deeply, and he hadn’t done a thing to deserve it.
She could have built a life there – even as an eighteen-year-old mother. She could have had a wonderful little family with Noah and Zoe. Her eldest daughter would probably be a completely different person today… kind and content.
But shecouldn’tregret leaving, because that mistake had eventually given her two more children who she loved more than anything.
In her most honest moments, in the silence of her own soul, she had to admit that she loved them even more than she loved Zoe. She supposed that made her a terrible mother, but it was just the truth.
She had missed out on Zoe’s childhood, missed out on being a mother. She hadn’t been there for her first steps or her first day of school. She had never fished a baby tooth out from under her pillow to replace with a gift from the tooth fairy, never been there to make her a snack after school or help her with her homework.
She was there for every moment with her younger kids, every milestone. Still too busy, maybe, but there for all of the big stuff.
If she had been the only one affected, she could forgive herself easily. It was the damage to her daughter that she couldn’t ignore. Of course Zoe despised her. If Anne focused on her past mistakes for too long, she despised herself.
She wanted to move forward and forge a new relationship with her adult daughter, if only Zoe would let her.
She needed to make things right… but she had no idea how.
17
