And through it all, I smile. I don’t let them see the real me.
On that woeful bus ride, I learned to use my smile as a shield. And I wore it proudly.
Huh. Out of nowhere, I’m smacked with a realization. That was the same field trip when Kenzie and I became friends.
Later that day, she tripped that boy, Nathan, in front of the monkey enclosure at the zoo. He ripped his pants on theconcrete, skinning his knee in the process. He bawled like a baby when he saw the blood.
Kenzie was slick, though. A vengeful ninja. Nobody noticed except me, and I certainly wasn’t about to tattle on her. Looking as innocent as can be, she flashed me a wink and strolled away nonchalantly when the adults came over to fuss over Nathan. If she could whistle, she probably would’ve done that too.
As I apply a healthy dose of detangler to my hair, a laugh shakes my chest. I see her cheeky grin like it was yesterday. Diabolical.
I’d never spoken to Kenzie before then. She wasn’t even in my class.
At the end of the day, she joined me in line to board the return bus to school. “You should sit with me so you don’t get Nathan’s disgusting leg blood on you.”
She was my pit bull from that day on, healing a part of me that broke the year prior. By the time we hit middle school, most of the bullies realized they’d be better off finding another target for their jokes. Kenzie had a way of making anyone pay for messing with me.
Effortlessly, she filled the role of my sister. I bet Zara would have been like Kenzie if she’d survived. She was always the stronger of the two of us.
With Kenzie by my side, I felt a little less broken.
Before my thoughts plunge any deeper, I snap myself out of the past with a shake of my head. I turn off the water and step out of the shower.
I retrieve a plush towel from the warmer and wrap it around me. I let the comforting heat wipe the shame off my skin, along with the water droplets.
Deep breath.
I must get my head on straight if I’m gonna outwit my best friend’s brother tonight and seduce his secrets out of him.
Eww.
My stomach roils as that sentence echoes in my mind. I despise using my chemistry with Reed for something so underhanded. If I keep thinking about it, I’ll be compelled to shower again to wash the ick away. And I only had one towel in the warmer.
Side note: If you haven’t gotten a towel warmer, you’re missing out. We might not be rich, but we can find simple pleasures in life. Between that and my bidet, my bathroom has become one of my favorite places.
I can also hide in here.
Let the mask fall. No shield needed.
After tucking the towel under my arms, I drag my pointer finger over the foggy mirror to ensure the outline doesn’t fade away. Same as I do after every shower, I retrace my half of a heart shape.
I only ever draw half.
The right side will never be filled in again.
Half a heart on the mirror. Just like inside my chest.
While drying my hair, the drawing fades as the moisture in the air decreases. And I fight the urge to cry and scream at the skies. I’ve done that enough. It doesn’t repair what’s broken. The sister I lost will always be gone.
Instead, I focus on getting ready for this fraud of a date without feeling like the snake I often accuse Reed of being.
I need to remind myself that this isn’t all about me. I’m also doing it for the greater good.
Get justice for Kenzie. Stop Silas from hurting others.
Setting the brush down on the bathroom counter, I latch onto the reflection. Familiar yet different. Darker than usual.
The frown and sullen eyes don’t make a shield as strong as a smile.
