“Don’t do that.” My volume is low and controlled. “Don’t youdareturn this around on me. I remember you sending me away that night.” I chuff out a coarse breath. “Dismissedme is more accurate.”
“That isn’t how it happened,” she contends, challenging my recollection of events.
“I see you brought your matches with you so you could gaslight me.”
Kenzie gasps, jaw dropping in a show of offense. “Gaslight you? I’d never do that. I’m serious, Lila. I didn’t send you away. I needed you with me.”
Later, I’ll applaud my restraint for not snatching the hair out of her scalp.
”For the sake of argument, let’s go with your version of events. I’ll play along. Even if I did blow you off at yourgreatest time of need, you should’ve confronted me about the timing and told me you were hurt. We’d have had an honest discussion about it. Sabotaging us wasnotan acceptable way to handle the situation. After all that time, we’d finally admitted our feelings to each other. Then you ruined it all, so callously.”
She stands, throwing her hands to the sides. “That’s the thing. I didn’t know you thought you werein lovewith him untilafter I’d already shown you the picture. By that time, I couldn’t take it back. I’m not a mind reader.”
The way she saidin lovemakes me want to punch her. As if she doesn’t believe me or thinks I’m a fool for loving him.
Or he could never love someone like me.
Some of my indignation fades as those thoughts sink in, pricking at the barely-there confidence.
Like a predator, she pounces on my hesitation. “Besides, I thought I was doing you a favor. My heart was in the right place.”
If my eyes bulge any farther, they’ll pop out of their sockets. “What?”
“I thought he was using you to hurt me. Especially given the timing. In a way, I was protecting you. Who knows how long he would’ve strung you along if I hadn’t intervened. And for all you know, he’s doing it again now.”
I smack my hand against my chest. “He loves me. He always has.”
The pity she shoots at me cuts almost as much as her betrayal. “Oh, Lila. Come on. You don’t believe that, do you? He’s only using you for his case. And maybe you forgot this, but you were supposed to be using him too. Thatisn’tlove.”
Despite the flare of doubt her words incite, I manage to stand firm in what Reed and I have.
Mostly.
Before this conversation continues, there’s one thing I need to know. “Speaking of that, there’s something I can’t reconcile about this mess. Why did you push so hard to get me to spend time with him? Surely you must have realized we’d end up talking about the breakup.”
She bunches her mouth to one corner, her expression backing away from self-righteousness. “I felt bad about what I did back then. You were depressed for so long after it happened. Nothing seemed to snap you out of that funk. And although Istill believe Reed’s full of bullshit, I couldn’t stand to see you continuously suffering. So in my twisted brain, I figured if you spent time with him in a romantic capacity of sorts, you’d either see how shitty he is or...”
I itch to defend him, but I let her finish first. “Or what?”
“Or you’d get a second chance at love. If it was real, I thought things would work themselves out.” Her chin quivers, and tears shimmer in her eyes. “After what Silas did to you, I was trying to fix things. I wanted to make you happy again.”
Moisture pools in my eyes, and my sinuses sting. She’s putting up a good fight, I’ll give her that.
And I’d be a liar if I said it wasn’t working.
As she reaches out for me again, I let her take my hand.
“Lila, I know you’ve gotten a raw deal in life. Since we’ve known each other, you’ve had spells where you seemed broken, but you always came through them. Well, you weren’t coming out of this one. I needed my friend back. You haven’t been the Lila I love since I helped break your heart.”
She’s right. I’ve been broken for a long time.
Whoa, horsey. Hold on.
My head rears back as the last thing she said smacks me sober.
Well played, Universe. You almost had me. But I’m not journeying back down that road.
Dropping her hands, I quickly wipe my tears away. I’mdonecrying for her and the friendship I thought we had.
