At least a dozen objections try to form on my tongue, but they fizzle before I can get them out.
Despite being in bed, my stomach thinks I’m on a roller coaster. The fastest one on the planet. Hairpin turns. Death spirals. Ninety-degree drops.
It leaves my head spinning and heart racing.
He led me to a conclusion that I probably would’ve seen myself if it weren’t for my trauma blocking the path.
Reed doesn’t speak for a long time. He keeps his hand over my heart.
“Is it really that simple?” I ask, my voice a mere puff of air.
“Nothing’s ever simple. But this case is pretty cut and dry.”
One of those objections finally flings out of me. “It was my idea to take the?—”
He interjects in a warm, soothing tone. “I hear you. An idea can’t kill anyone. Only actions do. None of your actions causedher death. It was a tragic accident. Nobody is to blame. Least of all you, Lila.”
For the first time, the possibility that I’m not the cause of Zara’s death begins to seep in.
As it does, it’s both easier and harder to breathe.
I’ve been swaddled in a blanket of guilt since I was seven. Reed’s heartfelt words and his conviction are wearing the fabric away, unraveling the threads.
As the shame and regret begin to disintegrate, I’m able to move. My heart isn’t fossilized in that old, fractured state.
And it starts beating again.
All because of this amazing man and his goal of fighting my demons. Yet he has his own.
Reed deserves the same respite from what haunts him.
I start to twist to face him, tapping his forearm to signal my move. Once our bodies are aligned, I nestle my cheek against his warm chest. Without speaking, we find a way to re-entangle ourselves. Legs, arms, and hands all snuggle their way home.
He cradles the back of my head, gently holding me in place. His heart beats soothingly against my ear.
“When you froze after I called youdimples,were you thinking about your parents or your twin?”
His sharp intake of breath echoes from behind his chest wall, making it sound more profound. “Sort of.”
I wait him out, inherently knowing he needs time to open up that vault he’s kept his past in.
“Other than the endless list of insults Kenzie flung at me, nobody has ever called me by anything other than my government name. And that realization really fucking sucks.”
“Because...” I lead him to continue so he doesn’t shut down before he purges this from his psyche.
“I suppose it made me wonder why I never mattered enough to anyone for them to give me a stupid nickname.” He groans. “It sounds pathetic. Sorry.”
“No. Don’t apologize. It isn’t pathetic. And it isn’t true. You’ve always mattered to me.”
He kisses the top of my head. “I know that now.”
“I’m curious about something you said the other day about your birth mom and whatever she did to you. Can you tell me what you meant?”
Faking irritation, he quips, “Oh yeah. That little slip. I should’ve known you wouldn’t let it go.”
I barely quash a snort-laugh. “If you were in my shoes, would you ignore it?”
“Fair point.”
