I lick my suddenly dry lips and try to moisten my mouth. The pounding in my neck doesn’t fade away at first. I cling to the tenderness of his thumbs stroking my cheeks, letting him drag me the rest of the way from the fog.
“Yes. I’m fine,” I quaver, no doubt as convincing as a shifty politician.
Reed’s posture softens, and he reluctantly releases my face. “What happened?”
Digging deep, I reach for my old faithful mask. The smile that fools the world.
Only it isn’t there.
Even if I could find the stupid plastic thing, Reed would see right through it.
Instead, I beg him for solace. “Can you please just hold me?”
He doesn’t hesitate to curl his front to my back. Our legs intertwine, and his arms lock me in. I settle into his embrace, letting his energy and body soothe me as best they can.
After a while, I feel less damaged.
I don’t think I’ve ever been held this way. Not the physical position; I’ve been the little spoon with Reed in the past. This is more than that.He isn’t only using his body to surround me in love, but his entire presence.
We’re braided together so completely we’re practically one.Our breathing syncs up. I bet our heartbeats do too.
With his strength fortifying me, I’m able to explain. “Sorry for scaring you. I was thinking about my family when I zoned out. Then my thoughts turned to my sister.” My throat thickens, my tongue swells with the sorrow. “And the day she died.”
“Oh, cookie.” He kisses the side of my neck, right where he burrowed his face. “Want to tell me about Zara?”
The question gives me pause. As I run it through my mind again, I realize why.
Instead of asking me what happened on the day she died, he asked about her. As a person. Someone who mattered.
And he said her name.
A sudden realization rains over me—IwantReed to know who she was. And what she meant to me. I need her to exist somewhere other than inside my broken heart and memories.
“You know what? Yes. Idowant to tell you about her.” I kiss his forearm, since it’s the only part of him my mouth can reach. “Thank you for asking.”
“You sound surprised. I take it she isn’t a topic you open up about often.”
“My family doesn’t talk about Zara. I learned to do the same. To tell you the truth, I don’t know the last time I heard her name spoken aloud by someone other than me. It might have been her funeral.”
“Wait. You don’t mean that literally, right? What about friends from school? Or surely your family must?—”
“Nope. It was summer break when she died. By the next school year, we’d move to a new town. Nobody at my new school knew to ask about her. As for my family? They never speak of her.Ever. They cleaned out her side of our room the day after the funeral. They got rid ofeverythingthat reminded them of her. Except me. When I got older, I realized they resented not being able to discard me as well.”
Reed squeezes me tighter. “When we were young, I assumed something was off with your family. I mean, Kenzie never slept at your house. It was always the other way around. I wish I had asked you why. In retrospect, I bet I was afraid you were being abused. Easier for me to stay blissfully ignorant. I’m sorry.”
“I probably would have lied anyhow. Well, I would have distracted you with talk about baby pandas with laser eyes that were found in the Congo or something else whimsical.”
I sense his smile from the faint brush of his lips over my neck. “I would have let you. Your nonsense was always entertaining. Still is.”
“You would have loved Zara then. She was full of spirit.My gosh, Reed,she shone brighter than the sun. And I was overjoyed to bask in her light. She always made me laugh, no matter what was happening. If I was sick, she told silly stories to entertain me. If I got in trouble, she’d act up so I wouldn’t be punished alone.”
A sad smile eclipses my face as memories shimmer in my mind’s eye. “We weren’t ever inbigtrouble. It was inconsequential things like no TV or early bedtime. Even if it had been something worse, she’d have suffered right along with me. That’s the kind of person she was.”
“That’s sweet,” Reed whispers.
I sigh wistfully. “Zara was too good for this world.”
“She sounds just like you, cookie.”
