She covers her mouth and mumbles through her fingers. “I can’t believe I just said that.”
I try to talk and fail three times before I can finally explain, “I’m pretty sure you squirted when you came.”
Her jaw drops, leaving her mouth comically agape. She hits me with deer-in-the-headlights eyes. “Oh nooo.”
A lascivious grin dances across my face. “Oh yes.”
After flopping onto the mattress, she hides behind a pillow and screams.
I yank the pillow away and scoot her toward me to get her off the wet spot. “Baby, princess, sweetie, gorgeous, my little cookie. Why are you upset? This is every guy’s fantasy. You just made me feel like the king of cock mountain.”
She pins me with a surprisingly harsh glower. “That’s precisely the problem.”
“Huh?”
Her expression downshifts to playful indulgence, proving her earlier mask was for show. “You’re going to be insufferable. I’llneverhear the end of this. ”
She’s not wrong.
“Since I’m never letting you go, that’s a long time for me to gloat. But I’m up to the job.”
She cups my cheek, flaying me with one of her vibrant smiles. “I have no doubt you’ll remind me of this every day.”
“Until I die,” I vow.
“Just promise that you won’t tease me about it too much for a while. I need time to recover from the instinctive embarrassment.”
I feign an understanding nod, devoid of humor. Then immediately reveal my cards. “In that case, I’m glad I couldn’t quite find the words to make a joke about enjoying milk or cream with my cookies.”
Our combined laughter mingles together, filling the room with the perfect music to match our mood.
I hope I can still hear it after reality returns tomorrow and the days that follow. Because I never want to take this song off repeat.
THIRTY-SIX
The other half
LILA
I usedto long for the bravery of a barnacle goose. The parents build their nests in rocky cliffs, perched so dang high that I get vertigo just imagining it. And at only one day old, the goslings fling themselves out of their nests to whatever lies below without a moment’s hesitation. They don’t know how to fly yet. Nature does the rest.
Can you imagine the confidence they must have to do that? It’s where the phraseleap of faithcomes from. Even if they don’t understand the danger, it’s still impressive that they jump. No doubt themamabarnacle goose knows the risk. Yet she lets them jump without flinching. Perhaps even gives them a nudge.
After Zara’s death, envisioning myself with the inner strength to jump off a cliff was morbidly depressing, so I stopped wishing for their type of bravery. Over time, I accepted that I wasn’t born to be fearless. Other birds came to mind to fill the space I once had for the barnacle goose.
For example, the brown-headed nuthatch is extremely cautious because it’s tiny and at risk of many predators. They hide in dense pine forests in small groups, relying on theirsurroundings and each other for protection. That’s how they survive.
Then there’s the cardinal, a nonmigratory species. Not only are they beautiful, but they’re a masterclass in resilience. No matter how harsh the environment gets, they stay put and sing through the storms. Even the dead of winter doesn’t drive them away.
Goldfinches, robins, and canaries are known to sing beautifully, sprinkling their happiness over the world. I could go on all day.
The lessons we can learn from these magnificent creatures are virtually limitless if you care to look.
As I look back on my life, it’s entirely possible I put too much emphasis on the traits a bird employs to survive and not on what a human needs.
By latching onto Kenzie, I blended into the scenery to evade predators, much like a nuthatch would. If that failed, at least she was stronger and willing to fight my battles. I did this and more with the stubbornness of a cardinal, while pretending to be a singing robin who shines bright like a canary.
And look how that all turned out for me.
