“I don’t care if it’s paranoia. If you so much as thought there was a minuscule chance of finding him, why wouldn’t you tell me?”
“Maybe because you aren’t the only one in this room who lost someone because of that piece of shit,” Tito snapped.
“Lostsomeone?I lost everything, but that’s beside the point. It’s not a competition. Why would you send Grady in, of all people? And why was Simon ever an option? He wouldn’t be able to find his dick if it wasn’t attached to him.”
“Well, I can’t trust many people with this. I don’t want anyone getting killed or falling into that lifestyle. Whom do you suggest I send? You?”
I shrugged. That’s exactly what I was suggesting. He started to laugh, stopping short when he saw how serious I was.
“Absolutely fuckin not. No. Are you out of your goddamn mind?” He picked up a recent article clipping and held it up for me to see. “Do you see what they do to women? Look at this!”
Huffing out a breath, I carefully studied the news photo. The breasts were the only thing left to confirm the person’s gender. Everything else was mutilated or gone.
A large inverted cross had been carved right down the center of her naked torso. He clearly didn’t see what I did.
I saw someone trying to make a statement.
They were sending a personal message.
Whoever had taken the shot did so long after post-mortem. The body had begun to decay, but pointing out that anything or anyone could have taken her apart was a moot point with him.
I wasn’t sure how he expected me to react but this didn’t deter me. My mind was already made up. I had nothing to lose and nothing to fear, which made me the best candidate.
I looked up from the picture with another shrug. “This doesn’t change anything. I’m not this woman.”
“This doesn’t bother you at all?”
He looked at me in disbelief, glancing at Grady as if he needed confirmation from another person that I didn’t care.
“What’s going on with you?”
I didn’t bother voicing a response; he wouldn’t like my answer. At one point in time, the horrific image would have had some effect on me. Maybe the kick to the back of my head had knocked something loose. I couldn’t pinpoint whenI’d changed, or really describe how I knew I wasn’t the same. Something just shifted, and I had made zero effort to shift it back.
They had no idea who they let live under their roof. There was a secret side of me I never let them see, keeping her hidden under lock and key. The strange creature that lurked just beneath my skin was caged and waiting to be let out.
I usually took better care hiding my harsher nature, but as of late, I was struggling with being good. My angels and my demons kept crossing signals.
“Actually, Cali is perfect for this,” Grady hesitantly said.
“What the fuck?” Tito voiced my exact sentiments, whipping his head around so fast his neck cracked.
“Hear me out on this,” Grady continued, holding up a hand to silence any protest.
“She may be a smartass, but sheissmart. And stubborn. And she doesn’t trust anyone. Oh, and she’s a she, which works about a thousand times more in our favor—you know, cause the whole‘helpless woman’thing.” He ticked off each point on his fingers.
When neither of us immediately spoke, his hazel eyes bounced between us, a smug grin spreading across his cherub face. I had half-expected him to repeat what everyone else in the compound whispered about me when I walked by. I should have known better than that, though.
Ever since the day he and Tito had found me, they’d done their best to look out for my wellbeing. They were the only people aside from Jinx who never spoke ill of me. They had never judged me for my obscurity or religiously told me I didn’t belong with them because of my ties to David.
Everyone else needed somewhere to direct their hatred and misery, and I happened to be the perfect target. I was a villain they could blame; they were afraid of me. Sometimes, I didn’t blame them. I knew that there was a flaw in my code. The simple truth was that I didn’t give a fuck.
“Those sound like reasons not to send her,” Tito finally said.
“No, those are the reasons youdosend her. Plus, she doesn’t like dick,” Grady slipped in. They stared at one another, some silent battle of wills taking place between them.
I felt like I was missing something but with these two, that was not unusual. I didn’t bother adding my two cents, mostly because what Grady said was true—except for me not liking dick. I didn’t particularly care for anything anymore. I had slept with too many men in an effort to prove to myself that I wasn’t broken. It never worked.
I got nothing from the experiences but a free three minutes and twenty seconds of wasted time. I was left feeling empty and used, just as I had years ago, and it wasn’t worth it anymore; not when I knew what I really needed.
