His eyelids fluttered, and he grabbed his shorts off the floor to wipe away the mess likely covering Tobias’ face. Deep throating was a messy skill.
“That might have been the best surprise ever,” Chase said, panting heavily. Despite his exhaustion, he managed to grab his discarded shirt to wipe away the mess left behind on Tobias’ face and in his hand. Chase was always taking care of him. “What’s the occasion?”
Tobias took a deep breath before he answered, partly to steel himself and partly because his breathing hadn’t returned to normal yet.
He blurted, “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
Tobias had been dead wrong. The most beautiful sight wasn’t the angle from his knees at Chase’s feet; it was the wide grin on Chase’s face, his happiness evident.
“What exactly does the role of boyfriend look like to you?” Chase asked innocently.
“Well, it would mean we were exclusive. It would mean we’d see each other a lot, and do things like this,” Tobias said, gesturing to their current post-coitus spots on the floor. “Um, I thought we could keep it a secret for a little longer. Let some of the hype from the alumni game die off before I show you off in public.”
The smile faded slightly, and if Tobias hadn’t been paying attention to Chase so much over the last couple months, he may have missed it.
“Is it still a secret from your mom and Madison? From the guys at the gym?”
Tobias bobbed his head as he weighed Chase’s question. “Well, my mom knows, but I’d rather wait to use the term boyfriend around Madison and the guys, just to be safe.”
Chase’s smile fell further.
“It’s not forever,” Tobias reassured him. “The game is in a week, and then eventually, when everyone has forgotten about me again, maybe it will be easier for me to come out.”
Chase reached out to him with one hand and cupped his cheek, his smile tinged with sadness. “No one could ever forget about you, Tobias. I know I never will.”
“Wait. Why does that sound like a goodbye?”
“It’s not,” Chase sighed. “But how about we hold off on the boyfriend label until you’re really ready for it, though? It’s fine you’re not there yet. I get it. I gotta protect myself, though. I had to hide for too long to go back.”
Tobias swallowed and dropped his head. It made sense. He didn’t want Chase to feel like he was being strung along, and he didn’t want to make him hide. Especially from his friends.
“Do you not want to see me anymore—like this, I mean?” he said while gesturing at the state of them—“until I’m ready?”
Chase took his time thinking through the question.
“Maybe right now we should focus on getting you prepared for the alumni game, and we can discuss everything else after that. I don’t want to stand around hiding in the shadows, waiting for when it might be easier for you to come out. And I don’t want to force you out, either. That’s not what I’m saying. I care about you. So damn much. But I spent too long hiding the real me to ever want to do that again. I understand what you’re going through, why it’s so hard for you to put yourself out there, and I don’t want to force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.
“I just want you to understand that hiding brings up bad memories for me. Memories I wish I could forget. Scars that still haven’t completely healed. I’m all for you protecting yourself, but I have to do the same for me.”
Tobias nodded in understanding even though it killed him.
Maybe Chase was right, and they needed to get through this game that had been plaguing his anxiety since he found out about it.
Then everything would be okay. It had to be. He would make sure of it.
————————
It had been the longest week of hislife once Chase started putting distance between them. The alumni game was only a day away, but he was ready. He had just come from another practice session with Shane and felt good about getting back in net.
Chase had even agreed to come to the game and sit with his family. Tobias didn’t want to have to guilt him into coming, but Madison cried her eyes out when Tobias told her Chase might not come. She’d planned on sharing an order of fries with him, and Madison considered it treasonous to go back on that promise, so Chase would be there. As a friend.
When he walked into the house after his final practice session with Shane, he was greeted by a stack of luggage in his foyer. It took him a second to realize what that meant, and once he did he ran the rest of the way into the house to find Natalie and Grace standing in the kitchen.
“Natalie!” he shouted as he closed the distance between them, wrapping her up in his arms and spinning her until she giggled.
“Hey, Tob,” she responded between her giggles, her voice muffled against his shoulder.
“Oh man, you’re getting too heavy for me. I gotta put you down,” he said as he settled her back on the tile floor and took a step back to look at her and her new accessories. “Oh, wait, never mind, that’s just the two medals you have hanging from your neck. Holy shit!”
