“You really read an MM romance?” Chase asked. “Which one?”
“Uh, red something? The one with the British prince and the American president’s son. Have you read it?”
“Yes! I love that book. How did it blow your mind?”
“Well, I read it since there’s a movie and I liked the political angle, but I didn’t expect to feel so… angry. I get now how hard it is to be gay, and how different gay men can be from each other. Plus, I learned more about bisexuality. While reading it, I thought of you having to hide yourself for so long like the characters had to, and it broke my fucking heart.” Shawn shook his head in disgust. With himself or with the world, Chase didn’t know. “People who say it’s a choice really don’t know what they’re talking about. That used to be me, but now I know better.
“Also, and this might be too much information, I had no idea two men could havemissionary sex! I always thought it was only, ya know, from behind, which always seemed so impersonal and animalistic. Now I know I’ve been an idiot.”
Chase snorted at the abrupt topic change.
“Yeah, you really were, but it sounds like you’ve done a lot of work.”
“I’m trying. I really am,” Shawn said as he stared into Chase’s eyes, the impact of those words hitting him square in the chest. All of his words.
“I’m proud of you, Shawn,” Chase said, and now Shawn’s eyes were glassy.
Chase wasn’t ready to share details of his inappropriate crush on Tobias with his brother, but he considered it a step in the right direction. And, maybe one day, they could be as close as they used to be. He could only hope.
15
SWISH.
Swish.
Swish.
“Fuck me,” Tobias cried after yet another puck got past him, the swishing of it hitting the net mocking him.
He stood in his basement in front of a net on his artificial ice with a puck-shooting machine aimed at him, and with every puck he missed, he drifted closer to spiraling.
When the machine ran out of pucks, he didn’t even bother checking behind him to count how many had gotten through. His heart couldn’t take it.
Tobias’ stomach ached as he thought about the upcoming alumni game, only two months away. At this rate, he might as well not even show up.
He was rusty—after three years, anyone would be—but he didn’t expect to feel so out of place.He thought of the net as his home for so many years, and now it was like an alien land.
His reflexes weren’t what they used to be, despite still being on top of his game when he retired. He had to start over.
At least Tobias had kept up on his fitness, otherwise he’d have no chance of recovering his skills in time for the game. He’d have to get on the ice at some point and have actual humans fire shots at him, rather than relying on the machine in his basement. Otherwise, he wouldn’t get any practice on rebounds.
The rest of the guys on the alumni roster lived all over, so there weren’t any organized practices, but maybe he could find a game of shinny to play with a few of the other local guys. He’d search for a pick-up game at a smaller rink, but playing with amateurs upped his risk of getting injured. Maybe he’d take up Shane Kendrick on his offer and meet at the Inferno practice arena, or even shadow him on his training. He was the current goaltender for Philly, after all.
Tobias’ eyes narrowed. He needed to shake off a bit more rust before embarrassing himself in front of Shane. For now, he could focus on his reflexes and timing.
He didn’t bother cleaning up the pucks as he left the ice and shed his gear, traipsing upstairs to find out what Madison and Gigi were up to.
Before he even got the chance to open his basementdoor, their laughter hit him like a warm hug.
Nothing was more important to him than keeping the women in this house happy, and their cheerful giggles were music to his ears.
He smiled at the creative chaos when he reached his living room. Beads were spread all over the coffee table as the two of them created new bracelets, Taylor Swift playing on the TV screen.
For a few minutes, he leaned against the wall and watched them work, giggling and singing together. This was exactly what he needed to keep in mind every time he hit the ice. He wanted to be the brave hero Madison thought he was, and the man his mom raised him to be.
Tobias made a vow to himself to do whatever he could to be ready for the alumni game because he wanted to make them proud.
Moving off the wall, he cleared his throat and sat on the floor on the opposite side of the coffee table.
