Maybe if they built a bit more trust, he’d be able to offer his own opinion, but for now, he had to be considerate and supportive. He had to avoid overstepping.
“That’s fucking bullshit,” he said instead.
Super job being supportive, Chase.
Tobias’ jaw dropped.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not going to let you talk about my friend Tobias that way. You are the least pathetic man I’ve ever met. You dominated the NHL for over a decade and despite retiring years ago you still look like a walking Greek statue. You kick your gym members’ asses every day and they thank you for it. And Madison looks up toyou like you invented happiness. Struggling with executive functioning skills and anxiety doesn’t make you pathetic, it makes you fucking human.”
Chase gasped as he finished his tirade, apparently forgetting to breathe as he spoke.
Tobias was sitting there as still as the stone his face was carved from, not showing any emotion except his unshed tears.
“I’m not…” Tobias started, but paused to clear his throat. “I know I’m not great at putting myself out there. It’s the main reason I’m not ready to say yes to this alumni game. I don’t know if I can reenter the spotlight like that.”
Chase took a deep breath in preparation to give his boss some more hard truths.
“I want you to know that what I’m about to say, I’m saying with the utmost respect for you. Playing in an alumni game will not put you in any spotlight. Do you know how hard it is for fans to recognize hockey players out in the real world? Especially goaltenders? The only athletes getting hunted by fans and paparazzi are the ones dating or married to big celebrities, or maybe NFL quarterbacks. You’ll get approached by some diehard fans every once in a while, maybe, but nobody is going out of their way to chase down a retired Philly goaltender running a gym in South Jersey.”
Chase waited for Tobias’ reaction to his rant. Tobiasdropped his head, his fingers drumming on his desktop. Chase was prepared to be yelled at, fired, thrown out of this gym like he was trash.
“You recognized me,” Tobias whispered, his stare seeing right through Chase.
Fuck.
How did he explain to his boss that he recognized him only because he was the biggest Tobias Moyer fan ever? God help him if the man ever found out about the poster he hung in his childhood bedroom. Chase would be mortified.
Fuck it. If Tobias was brave enough to reveal all of this to him, then Chase could man up and admit how big of a fanboy he really was.
“I only recognized you because I may or may not have been a huge fan of yours.” A knot of tension settled in Chase’s gut as he prepared to reveal more to Tobias than he had to anyone else in years. “You were actually one of the last things my dad and I agreed on before he disowned me, and my mom and I walked out of his life for good. Trust me, I’m the exception. Unless people were obsessed with you when you played, they aren’t going to recognize your face out of context.”
Shit. Chase did not mean to use the word obsessed.
Please don’t fire me.
When Tobias finally raised his head, he stared Chase down.
“And what about if that retired goaltender came out as gay?” Tobias said, and all the fight drained out of Chase. “I’m scared of being in the public eye. It was something I never got used to and it was why I was so quiet all of the time in interviews. I’m not a private person because I’m a brooding grump like everyone thinks. I’m private because talking to people I don’t know scares the shit out of me. It’s because I’m awkward as fuck. Telling people what to do during class is easy because it’s just something I have to do, and I only do it once a day with the guys I feel most comfortable with. Playing in front of thousands didn’t matter because I had my armor on, my mask hiding the real me. After Forsberg and Madson came out, I felt like a fraud. And I was so close to coming out because I didn’t want my stupid brain to keep me from being someone queer kids could look up to. But now… Now I don’t know if I can do it.”
Chase was struck dumb by Tobias’ words. Hearing the fear in Tobias’ voice broke his heart. What could Chase possibly say to ease his fears? Empty platitudes would be meaningless. The direct approach seemed to work so far, so Chase decided to stick with it.
“I get it,” Chase said. “I get why you’re afraid. But you don’t actually have to come out. You’re not an active player. You don’t have to make a grand announcement. You can just live your life however you want. It’s only abig deal if you make it one. You deserve to have the life you want.”
Tobias stared at him for what felt like a lifetime. Chase was taken aback at how much he wanted to be there for this man, despite how little they knew each other. He wanted to be the guy Tobias leaned on when he needed it. He wanted to be the guy to take care of Tobias, someone who’d spent the last three years taking care of everyone around him. Everyone but himself.
After what was likely a matter of seconds that took forever, a surprising smirk appeared on Tobias’ face.
After pressing the sleeve of his shirt to each of his eyes, he cleared his throat and faced Chase again.
“Do you think you can help me talk to Alyssa? Make sure I do it right?”
Internally, Chase was cheering, swooning, melting for this man. Tobias was letting him take charge.
“Whatever you need, boss. I’m there.”
————————
The sound system blasted and the space was filled with bodies and conversation. Tables were laden with catering trays filled with delicious food. There were also round tables set around the regular workout space where people could sit and eat, and Tobias watched over it all, rubbing that ball of yarn in his hand, Chase loyally beside himready to help however he needed.
