Maybe they’d never return to how they were as kids, but if they could get a piece of that back, it would be enough for him. Enough to settle the hole in his heartthat had been there since he walked out of Shawn’s life.
If there was anyone else in the parking lot outside the diner, they were likely giving them odd stares, but Chase didn’t give a shit. It appeared Shawn didn’t either.
Still, he kept his words quiet so no one could overhear. This conversation was only for them.
“Nothing has changed. I’m still the same person, Shawn.”
“Everything has changed,” he said as he pulled away, putting enough distance between them so Shawn could look him in the eye. “You may be the same, but I’m not. I was so wrong about you. About everything. I know that now.”
“So suddenly you’re okay with me being gay?” Chase said, a bit of aggression coming through as he thought of his brother’s vile words from years before. “You don’t think it’s an abomination anymore?”
“No, I mean, yes, I’m okay with you being gay, not that it’s even up to me. And no, I don’t think it’s an abomination. I was so wrong.”
Chase peered into his brother’s deep brown gaze, filled with tears, sincerity and regret. He wasn’t ready to forgive him, not even close, but he would listen to him.
“Why now? Why not any time in the last decade?” he asked, his voice filled with hurt.
Shawn’s face took on a sheepish expression as he ran his hand through his short hair.
“I don’t know if you remember from one of my voicemails, but it started when this woman called me out on my shit in the middle of a soccer game not too long ago. She didn’t touch me, but it was like a punch to the gut. Like I could see how I acted through someone else’s perspective. And I didn’t like it. It was someone from Cole Durbin’s team. She stood up for him after I said… things I shouldn’t have said.”
Chase remembered the voicemail, and had even brought it up when he ran into Cole and his girlfriend, Elena, at Shawn’s soccer tournament. He still couldn’t believe Cole was back in his life as a member of Gym Rat Fitness. They’d kept in touch over the years, but he hadn’t seen the guy in person since that fateful day with Shawn. Seeing him at the soccer tournament a couple months back really threw him for a loop, especially since Chase was there to see Shawn for the first time in years. Chase ended up leaving early, but he was thankful he went in the first place. Otherwise, Cole wouldn’t have introduced him to Tobias.
He took a step away and Shawn’s arms fell to his sides.
“Why don’t we talk inside?”
Shawn brightened and nodded, and they walked into the diner together.
After grabbing a booth in the diner and ordering coffee and a pastry, they both slumped in their seats.Silverware clinked against ceramic and delicious smells invaded Chase’s senses, but he tried to focus on the man in front of him, the man who’d meant so much to him during his childhood but who was now a stranger.
They remained silent until the server returned with coffee for each of them, a cinnamon bun for Chase and a blueberry muffin for Shawn.
At least some things never changed.
The quiet between them was charged, and Chase was one jolt away from freaking out.
Shawn wanted this meeting, so he could break the silence. Chase would just sit there quietly, tearing off pieces of his cinnamon bun. It was a good distraction, and he tried not to moan as it melted in his mouth.
It took ages before Shawn spoke.
“I, um, I know it was probably a shock to hear from me after all this time.”
Chase did nothing but widen his eyes and nod, keeping his focus on his pastry.
“I’m not sure where to start, exactly.”
He didn’t want to help Shawn get through this. He deserved every bit of discomfort after how he treated Chase all those years ago. But a small part of him hated to see his brother suffering, no matter what he’d done in his past.
“You said it started with a woman yelling at you.”
Shawn nodded and released a shaky breath, a littlechuckle escaping before he spoke.
“Yeah, she kind of handed my ass to me, standing up for Cole. She swore she’d tell everyone I have a small dick just to shut me up. Which was weird because she’d never seen it before, but I guess it was an effective threat.”
Chase fought against the twitch of his lips, but he loved the idea of someone putting Shawn in his place.
“After that,” he continued, “I-I guess I fell down a rabbit hole on the internet. It turns out a lot has changed since we were teenagers, and I guess I’ve been living under a rock.” He winced. “Or under Dad’s rule, anyway. I don’t talk to him anymore, Chase. I realized how… hateful his thinking was. It took me longer than it should have. I didn’t know how sheltered I was.
