“It’s kind of a lot, and you’ll probably think less of me once I tell you.”
“That’s not possible. Look, I know it’s not my business, but if you want to talk about it, I’m here. For what it’s worth, it sounds like youneedto talk about it.”
Tobias sighed and leaned back in his chair.
“At least go sit in a chair. I can’t think straight with you on your knees in front of me,” Tobias said, his eyes widening as he likely realized how his words could be interpreted. Would flirting help or hurt the situation?
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, shooting a wink at Tobias before walking around the desk to sit in another chair.
The color was back in Tobias’ face.Allof it, judging by the flush in his cheeks, which his stubble did nothing to hide.
Damn, he was so pretty when he blushed.
After Chase was seated across from Tobias, he unloaded a long story about his social anxiety and the mental breakdown he faced at the end of his career, and about the challenges of being in the public eye eventually breaking him.
It blew Chase’s mind learning the real reason Tobias had to retire from hockey. He must have been devastated. In fact, he still seemed devastated.
He even told Chase about thinking he was ready to come out while he played for the NHL, and how knitting had always helped him through his freakouts. Chase had figured Tobias was gay based on his reactions to his flirting and Tobias’ appraising stares, but the confirmation was good to have. It warmed Chase to know Tobias trusted him with the information, or maybe his guard was down from his panic attack.
“Does anyone else know about this?”
Tobias shook his head, shame on his face.
“They all just think I’m an anti-social grump. I feel like an asshole hiding myself from the world, hiding who I am from people who need that support, all because I can’t handle all the attention, but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.”
Chase watched his hero sink inside himself, doing everything he could to make himself smaller.
“I hope I’m not overstepping, but have you considered therapy?”
Tobias nodded. “I saw the team’s therapist when I played, and after I retired I found a private therapist who handled lots of patients with anxiety. I’ve been thinking about going back, but it’s just pathetic. I’m a grown-ass man. What the hell do I have to be afraid of?”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, that is not pathetic,” Chase said, leaning forward across Tobias’ desk. “Mental illness isn’t something you can control, and you can’t beat anxiety with your muscles, as impressive as they may be.”
Tobias scoffed.
“Seriously, though,” Chase continued, “I think you’re brave for telling me all of this, and for overcoming all of it to get into the NHL in the first place. You had an amazing career, and the fact you did that while managing something that literally worked against you every day? That just makes you that much more incredible.”
Tobias fidgeted in his chair as he stared at his knitting. “You’re just saying that.”
“No, I always say what I mean. I don’t know if you noticed, but I don’t have much of a filter.”
Red-rimmed brown eyes met Chase’s and a tiny smirk appeared on Tobias’ face.
“Yeah, I might have noticed that. I still can’t believe I told you all that. You’ll keep it between us, though, right?”
Chase recoiled, falling back against his chair, his eyes narrowed. “Of course, I will. I may have no filter, but I’m like a vault when it comes to secrets.”
Tobias reached for a tissue from the box on his desk, using it to clean his face as best as he could. The man was in dire need of a subject change.
“So listen, I’d be happy to help you start kids’ classes here. And it would be great for the gym, anyway. There aren’t any other options in Cherrywood.” Tobias nodded, so he continued. “And it sounds like I could be of help in other ways, too, because Madison was right about one thing.”
“You’ll learn she’s right about most things,” Tobias joked, his face softening. “But what are you talking about?”
Chase smiled and leaned forward until his elbows were resting on the desk between them.
“She said you needed a friend, and I’m happy to makeit part of my job.”
“I’m not paying you to be my friend,” Tobias scoffed.
