“Toby, you don’t show your face in publicnow. You’re already living your life like you were laughed out of hockey.”
“That’s not true,” Tobias argued, and his mom raised her brows at him.
“Really? Honey, you’ve been living half a life since you were drafted by the Inferno,” she said, reaching for his hand on the table and squeezing it. “Maybe you should start going back to therapy again.”
Tobias winced. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking the same thing lately.”
“Look, I know it’s hard for you, being out in public and dealing with strangers, but returning to hockey for one game is not the same thing as going on a public speaking tour. You’ve told me being in net is like being in your own little bubble where no one can touch you. I think it would be a good thing to get that back, even if it’s only for one night.
“If that’s not enough to convince you, just think ofMadison and how proud she’ll be seeing you out on the ice enjoying the game you’ve loved your whole life. That little girl worships the ground you walk on. Don’t you think she’d be proud to see you out there? Tobias, a mother wants nothing but her child to be happy, and you’re not happy. Returning for one game isn’t going to put a spotlight on you like you think it is. And I know that’s what you’rereallyscared of. You’re too good to get laughed off that ice and you know it.”
His eyes burned as tears threatened to escape, but he blinked them away.
“I wanted to play as myself. I wanted to come out and I couldn’t do it, and it broke me. I failed. I failed myself and I failed every queer kid out there who needs to see someone like them playing hockey.”
His voice cracked and his mom cupped his hand between both of hers.
“You didn’t fail anyone, Toby. Supporting that community doesn’t fall on your shoulders alone. You’re fighting against years of intolerance, and just because you weren’t able to stand up doesn’t mean you failed. The system failedyou. There’s a reason so few male professional athletes have come out, and that’s not your fault. For once, you need to do what’s best for you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he croaked.
“When are you gonna start living? When was the last time you hung out with friends or went on a date? I knowyou. You were never meant to be locked up in a house away from the world. You should be out there making memories. Enjoying friends that aren’t your mother or a six-year-old.”
Chase popped into his mind, and he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to talk openly with someone. He hadn’t done it in so long, he wasn’t sure he was even capable anymore. He was much better at conversations with his family. Fuck, that was sad.
“Think about it, Toby,” Grace said, saving him from his mind running away from him. “You have so much to offer the world. We don’t know the future, but what we do know is life is too short to waste it hiding. Don’t take it for granted.”
6
CHASE WALKED ON EGGSHELLS as he entered Gym Rat Fitness two days later.
He was already nervous because he was meeting his brother after class for a coffee, but he also wasn’t sure how Tobias would act after he fanboyed all over him on his first day of work. The rest of the day went fine, mostly because Tobias wasn’t there. Then yesterday, Chase had to see him again at the rock climbing gym with Madison. It was pretty obvious Tobias was uncomfortable when Madison asked Chase to join them for Christmas, so Chase hoped he didn’t ruin everything when he gushed over his possible return to hockey.
It was important to him that Tobias considered him a professional, and not just a guy here to drool over a former pro hockey player.
As he took in the man himself, who was staring at hiscomputer screen in the front of the gym, Chase couldn’t help but appraise him from head to toe.
His lower body was made to play hockey, with thick thighs and an ass he could probably use to play a game of quarters. Somehow, Tobias only improved as Chase’s eyes roamed higher. He was wearing a tight, long-sleeved base layer that did nothing to hide the ripple of his muscles with every move.
Chase itched to touch his dark hair, long enough to hold onto but short enough to hide under a hockey mask. Then there was his face, thepièce de résistance. It looked like it was carved from marble by ancient Greeks, his square chin graced with short stubble.
His eyes were a deep brown and there was a sadness lurking behind them that Chase was determined to get to the bottom of.
Who hurt you, Tobias?
It was hard to imagine anything being able to hurt him, since he was nearly eight inches taller than Chase. Although, the way he hunched over his computer made Chase think he wished he were smaller. Butwhy?
A hand landed on his shoulder, making him jump from his thoughts, and he turned to find Garrett standing there smiling.
“Hey man, welcome back. You settling in okay?”
“Uh,” he started, taking a peek at Tobias to catch him watching the two of them curiously. “Yeah, so far, sogood. How are you feeling after the first session?”
Garrett’s smile widened, his feathery blond hair falling over his forehead. He could have won a Chad Michael Murray lookalike contest if he wanted to.
“I feel great, thanks. I’ve been trying to get Tobias to add yoga to our workouts forever, so now you’re officially my favorite employee here.”
“Hey,” Tobias barked from across the room. Sound carried pretty easily in the gym. “Don’t make me cancel your membership.”
